ok so i saw the doctor on monday and i had cut that morning and ended up getting stitches it was rather scary as it wouldnt stop bleeding for ages and stuff and i didnt realise how bad that i had done it and i dunno it just doesnt seem like i can control myself from doing it or doing it badly . i hadnt cut from monday until yesterday night and morning and i ended up needing stitches again twice in one week, but i didnt mean to do it bad, it was worse this time than monday and the had to put a high presure bandage on it and keep it elevated as it wouldnt stop bleeding
i was very scared and i still am i suppose i still got urges to cut again but i dont wanna b needing stitches again or anything. anyway it was the same nurse that i saw yesterday as well as monday and she rang the crisis team as i have been to that walk in centre quite a few times in the past month. the deliberate self harm team (part of the crisis team) are going to ring me on monday and im very scared. im seeing my counsellor at uni on monday too so i will try and mention this too her aswell
i dont no what they are going to ask or what they are going to say. i dunno i ccould use a bit of support atm and has anyone talked to the deliberate self harm team before????
I've not talked to the team you mention before but please try not to panic yourself about it as it will only make things worse. Please just try and keep yourself grounded and away from self-harm for tonight and see what the team have to say. I promise they are not there to hurt you or work against you.
What do you think has made the self-harm increase?
When you feel like you have urges you could distract yourself by ringing a friend, coming on here or something else that works.
i dont no y its got worse things getting harder, uni decisions to be made and stuff too i think i wanna go home but i scared. my mum doesnt want mne to she want me to stay here and finish the year but i got no one here in a different country no friends r family at all
Okay, so maybe it is the increased pressure university holds as well as the isolation of being in another country. Is there anybody you can talk to where you are? Like a support network to help you integrate a little more, or people you are in lectures with or go to clubs with that you can mingle with?
I can see that you are trying from the fact that you have posted. It is hard, but well done for giving it a good fight.
I remember my worst and most scary time, left me stunned for a few days, which I suppose was an advantage at the time as it kept me clean for about a week. And when I slipped and started again, I began small, eventually I learnt to deal with the larger cuts. It's not good but a lot safer. I know your feelings about decisions and pressure I'm facing similar ones at the moment, sometimes it's better to find someone you trust or can trust that's non-biased in the situation to help assist you in your decision. If I was you, I would take it easy for a week if you can and try to keep your mind off it. Get lots of sleep and once your calmer and more clear minded, think through the situation again, you may find it easier and less scary. If not, talk to someone, I know just how hard that can be, but as long as you know they're trustworthy it's worth a shot.
Wish you all the best, Jack.
Existence is Life. Life is pain. Death is the absence of life. The absence of life is the absence of pain. Ceasing to exist is ceasing to hurt.
thanks both for your replies, mm shine i no what you mean by starting clubs and stuff but i suffer from depression and stuff and am very anxious about that sort of thing too so it takes a lot tot get me motivated to do that sort of thing as well. my counsellor had suggested contacted a self harm worker or something in a sort of youth club but i am scared and very anxious about that also.
With going to a youth group, the first one is always terrifying. I often have to take deep breaths and clench my fists just to walk through the doors. Usually, when with new people I don't speak for the first three months or so just to weigh people up. I'm scared of the experiences too but I make myself go through with them to make myself stronger, however terrified I may be.
Could you get your counsellor to be with you when you contact the self-harm worker?
That would be a good idea, maybe then you wouldn't feel so alone and less nervous. I really believe that until you come to at least partial terms with your SI or why you do it, that talking to someone about it will always be difficult. Even if you are completely understanding of your own self and why you do these things it will still be scary, but the first time is always worse, it's about building trust and confidence. Anyone who SI's will have a shattered ego and be more vulnerable so it will be more difficult for us, sometimes it's about ignoring those things and concentrating on building that necessary trust. Let us know how things get on.
All the best, Jack.
Last edited by JKT667 : 07-02-2010 at 08:27 PM.
Reason: Grammar/Structure Mistake
Existence is Life. Life is pain. Death is the absence of life. The absence of life is the absence of pain. Ceasing to exist is ceasing to hurt.
I don't really have advice, but I just wanted to stop by and offer a little support. That does sound really scary. Being anxious isn't going to help anything, but can you use that feeling to motivate yourself to get better? It is possible, even if it is really difficult.
Try keeping in mind that whoever you talk to wants to help you- they want to understand- they won't hurt you on purpose. Just be open with them so they know how to help you and how to avoid making you anxious. Just think, the worst that can happen is they won't be helpful and you won't talk to them again- but the best case is you gain a helpful support system. :) It'll be okay. Maybe you can try something else when you want to cut- snapping a rubberband going for a walk to get out of the house or writing your feelings down. I understand being anxious and not wanting to join clubs- I get nervous in crowds but maybe you can try and find a relatively small club and get to know a small group of people. I bet you're a great person and people would like to get to know you- but if its too much don't push yourself until you're ready- set yourself up to succeed. If you ever need to talk I'm happy to listen and help where I can.
Look for the positives- you nearly bought pills- as in you didn't which means you were able to beat the urge at that moment. That's amazing! If you can beat that urge, you can beat the others too. You'll be okay- can you try to distract yourself?
-hugs hunni- welldone for avoiding buying the pills thats amazing .. hunni can you do something to distract yourself? know im here for you and im only a text away day or night. love ya hunni. you can do this be strong hang in there its all gonna get better.
. i hadnt cut from monday until yesterday night and morning and i ended up needing stitches again 
