Triggering (SI) - New To RYL, Really Rough Day (Possibly Triggering?)

[skywayavenue]

Hello,

I know this isn't the intro board so I won't say much about myself here except I'm having a very rough time with my life and stumbled upon RYL. My name is Lily. I have trichotillomania, depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and I SI.

Today, I couldn't get myself out of bed. I was crying, and I live by myself so no one was there to talk with. I just can't bring myself to tell my friends (who all live far away) about what I do to myself. I don't want to go into details and trigger anyone, but I SI'd this morning after I got in a fight with my mother over the phone and couldn't get in touch with anyone. Sometimes I feel like if I SI, people will forgive me for what bad things I've done to them (Of course none of them know I SI). Its kind of backwards logic, because usually by the time SI and have calmed down a little, enough time has passed that the person I fought with has forgiven me anyway.

I've been very sleepy and shaky all day. Does anyone have any ideas on how to improve the day? Its now early evening I want to have some of my day back to myself. For the past probably 8 or 9 years I've had serious problems off and on, and the past four have been on constantly. I have tried therapy and medications, but they aren't right for me. They're also very costly so that has prevented me from a lot of help.

I'm sorry if this is an inappropriate post or I did this wrong. I'm still learning the ropes.

Thanks,
Lily

[DWTS4]

I'm sorry you had such a rough day. I understand hoping people will forgive you if you SI, sometimes that's why I do it too. I hope things get better for you, I'm not sure what else to say. There have been days where I just don't want to face anyone and all I want to do is cry but I guess sometimes being forced to face the day can help in a way, at least it takes me away from SI- maybe if you can just get out of the house or go for a walk- sometimes it helps me get my head screwed on straight if I'm outside. You can try maybe watching a good movie or eating a favorite food and curling up with a good book- maybe just doing something purely for yourself and coddling yourself a bit will make you feel better. I don't know if that helps but if you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me and I'm happy to listen and help where I can. :) I really hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

[in another life]

Hi Lily, welcome to RYL. First of all you don't need to apologise for posting here, you didn't do it wrong and it wasn't inappropriate. This is a place where people can post and get replies off people without judgment. I'm sorry to hear you had a rough time, I hope you are ok. Some ways you could improve your day are as the above poster said, go for a walk, watch a movie or do something you enjoy whatever that may be, maybe go and visit a friend...
The most important thing is to take care of yourself... Remember you are not alone, now you have the support of people here as well.
*hugs*

*hugs* I'm sorry things are so rough. Do you think it's kind of a punishment thing, like if you can forgive yourself you feel more like other people can forgive you? As for improving the day, what do you do during the day? Sometimes keeping busy can really help. Also try to meet people to spend time with. Try to find hobbies you really like and focus on them. I'm glad you found RYL and feel free to keep posting. :)