What about YOU?
What do you really want? What would make you proud of you?
I know I stuck through my course at uni, even though it was very difficult for me, and not really the best choice for me, I made myself ill to stick it through, because I was terrified of disappointing my parents. [I had no mental health diagnosis back then, even though I was seriously depressed. I had no support back then, either, apart from my friends, and my dance teacher from secondary school who replied to my distressed letters.]
I'm glad I made it through, though, as I got a degree and learnt a lot of valuable skills for my life and work. I also had some great friendships.
You just have to weigh up the pros and cons and make the best decision for you as you can right now. Which isn't easy. But if I can help in any way in supporting you through looking at things, then let me know. I know how hard it can be.
University does not = happiness, no matter what your parents would have you believe.
I dropped out of university halfway through my degree and yeh, it was hard because I thought that going to uni and doing that course was what I was always meant to do. But in the end, I came home, got a job and a flat and ended up being infinitely happier than I was when I was studying.
It's such a hard time for so many people - the isolation, the pressure, the people... don't be ashamed if you don't think you're able to do it.
What is it you don't like about it? If its the course...then there isnt any point pursuing it.
Live your life for you and not your parents...if its making you unhappy then surely they wont want you to stick it just for the sake of it.
Please realise you have soooooooooo soooo many options...you can go back at a later time, change uni, defer your course...if its personal problems they can hold your place and your credits for you.
My first year at uni I was studying business, I made very few friends (except for a couple good ones I'm still in contact with now) had a disastrous relationship and ended up severely depressed. After a little thinking I realised this was not going to work for me, I had a very serious think about where I actually wanted to go, managed to transfer onto English Literature, then dropped out of business and extended my part time hours for the remainder of the year.
When Sep rolled around and i started English I could nor have been happier with my decision, the people were great, creative, fun and comfortable enough to be themselves which certainly wasn't the case with the people I'd known before, and I must admit I was having the time of my life. There have been so very bad times since, but hey, i was expecting that, it's still been a great experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything.
If you don't want to go to uni you're not going to put in the effort, you might start failing and end up feeling worse, change course if you think that'll help, but overall do whats best for you, I'm sure your parents will respect your decision and support you nonetheless.
'
O' mighty Lord of the Night. Master of beasts. Bringer of awe and derision.
Thou whose spirit lieth upon every act of oppression, hatred and strife.
Thou whose presence dwelleth in every shadow.
Thou who strengthen the power of every quietus.
Thou who sway every plague and storm.
Harkee.
Thou art the Emperor of Darkness
University does not = happiness, no matter what your parents would have you believe.
I dropped out of university halfway through my degree and yeh, it was hard because I thought that going to uni and doing that course was what I was always meant to do. But in the end, I came home, got a job and a flat and ended up being infinitely happier than I was when I was studying.
It's such a hard time for so many people - the isolation, the pressure, the people... don't be ashamed if you don't think you're able to do it.
this is exactly what i wouldve said. not getting a degree does not mean the end of the world,and in the end its your happiness not your parents that really matters.xx
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
going to uni for your parents and not for you is not going to end well... if you don't want to be there you are not going to work to your full potential... also if you hate it it's only going to make you miserable...
what is it you dislike? is it uni tself, or yuor course?
I started uni studying anthropology to make my mum happy... I hated it... but after the first term went to see my adviser and managed to change my degree to neuroscience, now I love it :) (though my mum still doesn''t know about my course change...)
I think you should speak to your adviser about it... they will have had much expiriance of people before and be able to suggest a lot of options... perhaps you could even swop to a part-time course, that way you will still get a degree but won't be held down by a full-time course?
but as I say, life for you not your parnets (as hard as that can be at times)
Thanks guys for the replies *hugs 2 u all*
well what i hate is the uni itself , the enviroment sux there and my dad and uncle and uncle's wife work there YEAH! i know my life looks like a movie and when i had a low grade they'd go tell him and i would feel really down for making my dad feel that way and the guilt makes me so miserable !
I love the course it is architecture but it is hard i know that uni is not easy nor it feels like a school it is much harder than that ,
But feeling ..just the feeling that i didn't make my dad proud of me would put me through hell and i'd get depressed .cry my sleep to sleep , feel guilty , cut , burn , get so mad at myself .........
A little angel fell into my arms at the 7th of december 2010
uni may not make you happy but take it from me... not can make you just as unhappy...
i didnt finish highschool and my parents are proud of me for making the choice not to go and i still get very upset about it...
but you have to play with the hand that is delt to you...
just do your best...
get help when you need it...
maybe it will open a new door to you
maybe not going will help
best of luck
perhaps rather than it actually being uni that you hate it's the fact that you know that you would be unable to leave if you wanted to... perhaps its the lack of that choice which is being transfered onto the uni itself making you hate it...
or maybe i read too much into things...
I still beleive that you should speak to your advicer, they are amazingly useful and will be able to give you many options, both if you decide to stasy or if you decide to leave
hey there - ive not got any advice to add onto the great stuff already said, only to say that i understand how you feel and am trapped in a similar position (im doing a degree i dont like cause my parent dont approve of what i really wanted to do). remember if you need to talk, just pm me!
>my dad and uncle and uncle's wife work there
That does sound a little "constrictive", have you considered transfering your studies to a different uni? If that's not feasible, you might want to think of other ways of giving yourself a little more separation from your family, maybe moving into halls or a student house, rather than living at home?
It was different for me when i went to uni, coz i was at the other end of the country to my family, but i'm sure once semester starts you will find that you have lots of new friends, activities, & maybe even some work, to keep yourself occupied & make your life "yours".
Whatever happens, it's probably better to give it go, rather than opting out & being left with a big "what if i had..."
Best of luck, 2B x
If you dont want to go you need to get up the courage to tell your parents. i'm sure you will be able to make them proud in another way - maybe by getting a job you want to do and doing it well. if you dont want to go to ui you will hate it, drop out, feel awful and waste thousands of pounds in the process. Please get up the courage to tell your parents before it is too late.
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