Severely Triggering (ED) - Wanting/wishing you had an ED
Before you lovely people developed anorexia did anyone of you actually want it? or wish you had an ED?
Right now I keep wishing sometimes I was anorexic, pretty and skinny.
Not the ugly fat thing I am now...
I've seen pictures on websites and they look absolutely gorgeous. I dunno why I even think this.
I sometimes wonder how I have no self damn control and even though I'm not going uni this year my head keeps telling me when you go uni there will be no one to check on you and you can do what you like so don't eat.
I can't talk to no one about it. GPs are useless and I don't have a counsellor
Last edited by [Purple_Rain] : 30-01-2010 at 11:10 PM.
Reason: Removed amount eaten as it's againts the rules
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I think that this is a pretty bad/dangerous thing to be thinking, but I also think that you know that.
I want to be thin, I want to be pretty, but I DO NOT want to have an eating disorder. They are not things that should be desired, at all.
If you want to lose weight then you have to do it the healthy way, not by restricting completely, because in the long run it won't help. At all.
Try changing a habit, like for me, I've realised that I will binge if I buy anything that you could binge on at all, so I've stopped buying food like that and bought fruit instead.
When I went to uni, things did begin to get out of control, not necessarily food wise, but in other ways, it's important that before you go you have a support network in place.
You need to talk to someone about this, like seriously, because wanting an ED or any kind of Mental Illness is not healthy. If your GP is crap go and see another one, change practice. You can get in touch with loads of people and get the support that you seem to need.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Make us all feel wonderful. We'll never forget."
I never wanted an eating disorder..it really is just pure hell, and with saying that, I don't even suffer from a full-blown disorder [in my opinion.] I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
I'm not judging you but darling, wanting something like that isn't healthy, as stated above. Being anorexic wouldn't make you happy, or pretty. Thin, yes, but to the point where you'd severely unhealthy, and besides that you wouldn't see it anyways.
I'd reach out for help with this, before you end up doing something really stupid and getting yourself into an awful situation.
I didn't want an ED in the first place. Before it developed I simply just wanted thinness and control and various other things but now I'm in deep. I can only speak for myself but after developing it I actually found myself wanting and needing my ED, competing with others and wanting to be the "illest."
Please talk to someone about this before it gets out of control. Could you try a different GP?
I think your mind is getting confused with being thin & pretty, with an eating disorder.
Does anyone in your family know about how you feel?
Theres plenty of healthy ways to lose weight, without Anorexia/Bulimia.
I agree with what Helen & Jess said - and the others... I have an ED & I would never wish it on my worst enemy. It is HELL. You want to be thin & pretty - you do NOT want to have AN. It's a very serious illness & if you wish that you have it, you have other problems than just being dissatisfied with your body. Please get help... keep looking until you find someone that's effective in helping you. I'm sorry if any of this sounded harsh, it honestly wasn't intended to, but I really do not want you to get an ED... because they are living hell, you depend on it/them eventually and then spiral down & go out of control no matter how sure you are of your being in control. Please trust me/us on this. Try to find healthy ways to get pretty/thin. *gentle hugs*
RYL family: Doikers is my brother
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another! - Anatole France.
Being pretty is being healthy and feeling safe to be who you are. In my opinion, anyway.
That.
Also, remember your thoughts won't change - if you think you're fat and ugly now you will think the same with anorexia, or you'll think you're fatter and uglier.
And I'm not saying you are ugly, I really doubt that you are, but loosing a tonne of weight wouldn't make you prettier. It would make you look ill. Loosing weight won't magically fix anything you dislike about yourself.
If you do need to lose weight then do so healthily. Find a good healthy diet plan, I know things like Weightwatchers and Tesco online do healthy ones with a decent number of calories (is that okay to mention?). Weightwatchers is good because it's points not calories so it might be better if you think you'll get obsessed with calorie counting?
I never wanted an eating disorder..it really is just pure hell, and with saying that, I don't even suffer from a full-blown disorder [in my opinion.] I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
I'm not judging you but darling, wanting something like that isn't healthy, as stated above. Being anorexic wouldn't make you happy, or pretty. Thin, yes, but to the point where you'd severely unhealthy, and besides that you wouldn't see it anyways.
I'd reach out for help with this, before you end up doing something really stupid and getting yourself into an awful situation.
i think that's it. what i want out of the anorexia is the thinness, but i don't want hell, and i don't want not to see it. still it's the 'sexy' eating disorder so i do see why it's appealing. it's still only a smoke screen.
Er, how is an eating disorder "sexy"?
Do you mean the look of someone who is anorexic/bulimic is "sexy", or the illness itself?
Either way, it isn't "sexy" in my opinion, rationally, it's sick, ill, distraught, confused, broken, & hopeless looking.
It can be appealing, but you won't see anything different, you'll still see the "fat, ugly duckling".
Not a "sexy" girl.
You'll feel torn apart inside.
You'll wish you never began this spiraling, confusing, path to hell, & you wish you could get out, but the hope of ever surviving & being okay gets lost.
I never wanted the illness, I wanted thin & pretty, like others suggest is the case on this thread, all I got was lower self esteem & a life long illness(IMO, it is life long & I don't believe anyone who develops this illness will ever be free from it, like most mental health illnesses) that will always haunt me.
Ramble.
Ignore if you wish because of our hate towards each other OP, but yeah, stating my opinion on this.
Maybe you feel a bit empty inside and want something to fill the gap?
I also think there's quite a bit of confusion between what you think is an ED, and between what an ED actually FEELS like. It's very easy (and most people, even some doctors do) to focus on the outside, appearance etc, but that is very little of it as everyone here has found out.
I also think you must have quite a low self esteem to think these things, and that is what you need to work on.
Healthy is honestly so so much better than ANY ED. People (me included) often have an unhealthy swing towards extremes, that could play a part too. It's almost like we have a tendency to think we're going to be either really 'fat' and eat and eat or really 'thin' and starve.
Please get some help with this. You're obviously struggling.
xxx
The Mole was bewitched, entranced, fascinated. By the side of the river he trotted as one trots, when very small, by the side of a man who holds one spell-bound by exciting stories; and when tired at last, he sat on the bank, while the river still chattered on to him, a babbling procession of the best stories in the world, sent from the heart of the earth to be told at last to the insatiable sea.
Wind in the Willows.
mediawise it's referred to as the 'sexy' eating disorder, like i said it's the smokescreen. the allure of being skinny. outside looking in, we don't see the ugly side.
