Hey hun...
I really don't know what to say....
Hope you're taking care of yourself
PM me if you wanna talk kay?
xNicole<3
RIP Mike [4.1.06] RIP Grandma [8.2.08] Jon&Nicole[1.6.09] Sometimes when i say "oh i'm fine..."
i want someone to look me in the eyes and say "tell the t r u t h"
um, that's a lot white. you ok? are you withdrawing? withdrawal can be pretty bad. birthdays can be a big trigger, but they do not mean that you have to use either. i have had 2 sober birthdays so far. take care of yourself. i don't have any experiance with coke so i do not know how long it takes to get it out of your system. if you need any medical help please get it.
pm me anytime you want to talk.
come and join me. then world domination.
mmmwuhahahahahahaha.
i like to commit raoh's (random acts of hugging)
HazardxToxMyselfx3 = sister
hahaugotpunked87 = fairy-god half step sister
Katiebean = pet moose
morbida = third cousin once removed
Last edited by Snow White. : 09-08-2007 at 03:41 AM.
Reason: Please do not 'flame' any other RYL member publicly, or inappropraitely discuss illegal activities.
no i dont talk alot of ****, no im not proud of myself. i can be disgusting sometimes. i had money saved up from alot of time. im working on the growing up. it comes with time.
shocker shocker. i apologize. i didnt realize how much of a serious person i am?
no really. 17..is..big. i think
Last edited by Snow White. : 09-08-2007 at 03:53 AM.
Reason: Please do not share anything that discusses, encourages or condones illegal activity.
Maybe I was a little harsh before but you've got to act more responsibly. That is an insane amount of cocaine to do in such a short period of time and I'd imagine you felt more than a little worn as you racked up those last few lines.
How's your nose feeling as well? I used to bleed on 3-4 grams stretched over much longer periods of time.
Have you been to a doctor lately? Despite your age it might be worth getting your blood pressure checked or at least a routine physical, you may not like the results.
Anyway, I'm not here to scare you into anything. http://www.cocaine-effects.com/
There's probably nothing there you don't already know, but seriously that is one of the worst substances you can put into your body in those amounts.
my noseis okay now. i havent seen asingle nosebleed yet. but my septum is completely deviated. i have just avoided touching it or looking at it as a whole.
i just dont care anymore. about doctors, about health,about nothing./
im too invincable. and i only say that to get to you a bit, but im not actuallyserious. ..but i sort of am?
you ain't invincible. trust me. it will kick you ass so hard. i've seen it. i know you just had a bad run, question is, are you done? do you want to quit for good?
i'm glad that you are not feeling too bad. helps that you are still younger. your body can still bounce back faster.
take care of yourself.
come and join me. then world domination.
mmmwuhahahahahahaha.
i like to commit raoh's (random acts of hugging)
HazardxToxMyselfx3 = sister
hahaugotpunked87 = fairy-god half step sister
Katiebean = pet moose
morbida = third cousin once removed
I was a bit concerned when I read one of your posts that said that you 'just dont care anymore' - I remember saying the exact same thing after years and years of drug and alcohol abuse, and by the time I was saying that sort of thing, I was very very sick!
I think people sometimes go for the 'I dont care' route because they actually dont know how to cope without the substance .... it seems too difficult, and like they just dont ever see themselves doing without the substance ... they may have tried many times to give it up, but after so many failures, you tend to lose alot of hope and motivation to keep going.
When I got to that stage, I just assumed that I was going to die from the effects of drug and alcohol, coz I thought I was powerless to stop - at that point in time, I would have given the world for someone to help make me nice and comfortable, and supply me with enough alcohol so I could drink myself to death. I honestly thought that that was the BEST that I could hope for, coz I just didnt see myself getting off alcohol.
Of course, no one would help me with that plan and in the end I had to pick myself up off the floor, or the other option was to die ... and somewhere in there I found the will to try clean and sober all over again.
CC - I know you tend to put on a bit of a tough and 'coping' front when you post on this forum, but I sincerely doubt that you'd be posting here if you were well and truly comfortable with where your addiction has taken you. Either you've already been exposed to some scary moments with your drug use, or you can see they are just around the corner for you, and I think you are aware that your luck wont hold out forever.
Reading your posts, I am quite concerned for you. I dont know how much coke is ALOT, but from some of the other replies in this thread, it seems like the amount of cole you used on your birthday was a tremendous amount .... and for someone still so young! You've developed such a toelrance for this drug, and in time, you will just need to take more and more to feel the same effects.
You've got a whole life ahead of you CC .... is this lifestyle really making you happy?
i'm sorry if i came across kinda harsh. i didn't mean to be. it is just that i have seen what happens. the coke is very serious. at that rate you could die really soon. and i was worried. i do care and am here if you want to talk.
*hugs*
come and join me. then world domination.
mmmwuhahahahahahaha.
i like to commit raoh's (random acts of hugging)
HazardxToxMyselfx3 = sister
hahaugotpunked87 = fairy-god half step sister
Katiebean = pet moose
morbida = third cousin once removed
i rlly dont care anymore abnout anything. about what will happen..about death..about anything.
and if you wanna know why exactly i joined this it is because
a) ive been a self-mutilator for three years
b) yes, i am an addict, but im not trying to quit. i specifically in this forum because sometimes i dont know where i am in my addiction. sometimes i need to hear advice from people who would know the best..addicts themselves. i havent joined for petty attention, i havent joined to be told what im doing is wrong because clearly i am aware of it by now. dont tell me im going to die, dont tell me theres death risks, i dont care. just let me vent occasionally, answer my questions when im curious and let me be a ****ing idiot when i want to be.
also, id hope that i could be beneficial to anyone who is considering drugs or using them but not quite as..messed up a si am. i'll leave the rest to the open. if theres anything you want to ask me or any advice you need im more then willing to help. message me or something
On those days that you just need to get some thoughts out of your head but you arent looking for advice or support, you may want to check out the Rants/Vents forum ... that might be just what you're looking for!
Sorry if you didnt get what you were looking for so far in your replies on this forum .... people are just trying to help in whatever ways they know how, and they cant always know what each and every member is after when they post a thread on this forum.
Thanks for clarifying what you need in the way of replies here - I hope you are able to get kind of responses that will help you gain the most insight into your own addiction, regardless of whether you wish to recover or not.
sorry u havent got replies that you needed. a lot of people on this forum are struggling in their own addiction or are recovering and dont know if the advice they give is all that good (maybe thats just me) as typsee said, if youre looking just to vent with no replys the rant and vent forum is great for that.x
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
