What are your opinions on age differences and dating?
I'm 24, 25 in April, and I am interested in this guy who is 36.....I've dated older men before - the last guy I dated turned 35 this year, but....I don't know. I sort of wonder if I'm selling myself short with this current interest. For 36, he should "technically" be more settled and stuff, you know? Like, he doesn't have a degree or anything, plays in rock bands, paints/does artwork, etc...We have quite a bit in common and I know he is interested in me...I'm not saying you have to have a PhD to make something of yourself, but if I imagine myself introducing him to my brother or something, I know my bro would be disappointed. (But aren't they always with their little sister's romantic interests? I know it would bother him that he is so much older - my brother is only 27...)
Basically, I feel like we are sort of on the same page "life-wise," if that makes sense. *Should* we be if he is 36? I'm fresh out of college, so of course I am a bit confused as to what I want....
*shrug*
Can I do better and just don't believe I can? It's not like I want to marry the guy or anything, so should I just take it for what it is and not think so much? To be frank, I feel ready to date someone again; I'm sick of being lonely!
Ten years etc is not really as big a difference in real life as it is in school etc. I mean we would have never had the Sound of Music if everyone stuck to narrow windows of ages lol.
That said, your fellow could be wayward. As a guy who studied in arts and works in them there are a lot of people who get stuck in that lifestyle trying to get little crumbs of ego recognition and playing music in bars like Little Tommy Tucker singing for his supper. You want to be careful of that.
That said, 35ish is still pretty youngish and a lot of people really don't start to get settled until that age job/career wise etc. These days its hard to even feel secure.
What you would need to do is test him sorely. Guys can change a lot and alter their life and get focused -but not if they are getting spoiled. If you get in relationship with him and start giving him "benefits" so to speak (and the worst thing you could do is live with him - that spoils guys for sure - you could easily end up stuck playing his mommy).
You don't have to make a show and put your foot down. Just say your interested in him but at your not going to squander yourself on just anyone who perhaps isn't that serious about life yet. Act like your agreeable but have high expectations with regard to character. If he chokes on that then be glad to lose what you should never have had (him).
I don't know if you want kids or not but a ladies time frame is smaller for children and at 25ish you don't want to waste so many years on a guy who might be wayward by nature. I see too many women waste time on vagabonds when they have a lot of choices - and then get what Germans call "torschlusspanik" or fear of the closing door. Then they try to make do with leftover guys.
I find it sad you think theres better out there due to his age, or am i missing the point?
If hes in his 30's and hasnt settled so what? Maybe he didnt want to. Perhaps hes actually happy not going with the norm? Perhaps he has a bit of free spirit still inside him that hasnt been crushed by the mundane ruling classes that seek to dull every ounce of soul we posses?
Perhaps hes a useless wanker who will never amount to anything. Perhaps hes a complete slacker? Perhaps he will sponge from you and take you for all you have? Perhaps he'll never grow up and take responsibility?
You could face the same questions with a 20 year old.
If hes nice and you like him and he treats you well and you can be there for eachother and you dont have anymore hangups about it then **** what others think and go for it.
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
Give it a go. You're not committing to the rest of your life with him, so if it doesn't work out, no harm done. At least you wont have any regrets.
There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: 'This glass is half full'. And then there are those who say: 'This glass is half empty'.
The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: 'What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
Both my older brothers have at least a 10 year gap in their relationships and they are doing absolutely fine! So age is nothing!
It's all about if you like each other and feel the same spark! This might start as nothing but who knows what the future holds for you both!
I say "GIVE IT A GO!!!!"
I find it sad you think theres better out there due to his age, or am i missing the point?
If hes in his 30's and hasnt settled so what? Maybe he didnt want to. Perhaps hes actually happy not going with the norm? Perhaps he has a bit of free spirit still inside him that hasnt been crushed by the mundane ruling classes that seek to dull every ounce of soul we posses?
Perhaps hes a useless wanker who will never amount to anything. Perhaps hes a complete slacker? Perhaps he will sponge from you and take you for all you have? Perhaps he'll never grow up and take responsibility?
You could face the same questions with a 20 year old.
If hes nice and you like him and he treats you well and you can be there for eachother and you dont have anymore hangups about it then **** what others think and go for it.
Geez I didn't mean for it to sound like that.......I guess I am looking at it from my family's perspective. I shouldn't be, but it's hard not to. Jesus, my mom puts all of this pressure on me to find a PhD student or professor to date, f*cking doctors, etc. I am ashamed to say it, but they really look down on people who haven't gone to school as well. It's ridiculous and offensive, and because of that, I worry they wouldn't like him just because he is neither of those things...
But you made some really good points above (see the bold paragraph). I mean, they are really refreshing and could describe how I want to be. Frankly, my parents should know better that I would gravitate towards free spirits/alternative types not only based on my personality, but even something as silly as my appearance!
I have been thinking about him a lot lately and how we could be really good for eachother...I think we could learn a lot and really compliment eachother in a lot of ways.
Therefore, I am going to say f*ck it and ask him out next week when he has off.
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
I am really frustrated right now because our schedules aren't really meshing that well.
We went to a show together last week, and he told me he wanted to hang out sober/somewhere other than a bar. (He works at a bar too.) I agreed. However, on his days he should be off, he has been doing freelance web design for someone, so he hasn't really been available...
I saw him last night because I was watching bands play at his bar, but obviously it's not the same as hanging out at say, someone's house or whatever. I don't mind visiting him at work, but it's not very private, you know?
I'm happy that he is doing freelance work, don't get me wrong...I just want to see him. Now I'm jumping to conclusions/catastrophizing and paranoid that he may not like me as much as I thought or that this won't work in the long term. I know I'm being irrational, but it's difficult for me not to be. Ugh. I'll just have to wait it out, I guess... *sigh*
Sounds fair enough you want to see him, I think you need to tel him how you feel without scaring him off. It maybe his work schedule is always going to be like this, and like you saying seeing him at his work isnt ideal. If you both like each other, you will make time in your schedules, think of the music and film stars who spend weeks apart, they make it work. Good luck, dont give up yet, but I think you and him need to talk honestly x
Agreeing with Matt! If you both want this you will work something out!
Tell him you want some private time together! I personally dont see the harm in it!
