Triggering (ED) - meeting with prospective new befriender *this afternoon [Wednesday]...

Stellata · 07-08-2007, 08:06 PM

... and I'm scared/nervous.

This is through my local branch of Mind. Befriending info.

I had a befriender, for 9 months. Then she just disappeared with no notice and no warning. That upset me somewhat.

So now I will be getting a new befriender. And the meeting is tomorrow.

I want someone who will be reliable. And empathic. And honest. And not someone who is overweight and on diets and conscious of her weight, not when I am a recovering borderline-anorexic who needs to eat. It did make shopping and eating out together awkward. And there were a number of times when she didn't turn up, and said she'd texted me and she hadn't...

I need some tips please on how to be assertive and ask what I need, things like that.. Thanks..

FreeDilbert · 07-08-2007, 10:52 PM

I don't have much to offer, but from experience I say the best thing to do is once you're introduced, talk about what you both hope to take from this. I usually find the best way to put across your needs is as calmly as possible, that way people don't dismiss you as speaking from emotion alone, and saying things in the heat of the moment.

They will probably be as unsure as you to start off with, don't be scared of mentioning things and perhaps discussing what you both think should be some ground rules, after all there's nothing to loose.

Good luck btw, sorry I couldn't say anything more usefull

Nat · 07-08-2007, 10:54 PM

Katherine just go and see how it goes - tell her your concerns and that you really will only take her on if she is going to do what is right by her. She might be the right one she might be the wrong one but you wont know till you go and talk to her.
Good luck and let us know how it goes
xxxxx

Stellata · 08-08-2007, 07:04 AM

Thanks.

I'll bear all that in mind, and let you know how it goes.

Stellata · 08-08-2007, 07:36 PM

It was really hard. My social anxiety is pretty severe right now. It's understandable, given what happened with my previous befriender.

She saw me at my worst, so if she feels she can relate to me like that, then, that's good. There's hope. Though if she thinks I'm too... vulnerable. We shall see.
I did explain how I can confuse people, because of my having a strong side, and then also being so vulnerable.

I've got a week to think on it. Then both of us give feedback to the co-ordinator, and take it from there.

I'm glad that meeting is over though.

Nat · 08-08-2007, 07:56 PM

Is there anychance u can see her again? It can be so hard to decide on things from one meeting?