Triggering (SI/OD) - walked out of apt.... and I've had ENOUGH

[lozza]

...he didnt even know I had been in hospital - he got letters from both the hospital and my pdoc!

...he has it in his head that if I just find something to fill my time then I will be perfectly ok - PROBLEM I am struggling to just keep doing what I currently am

...he asked how sh was going - he had no right to ask... he doesnt even understand it himself!

"Lauren if the suicidal thoughts/urges come back, its important you tell 'us' straight away"

...ok first, who is the 'us' in this... its my counsellor and pdoc - he is not included in my team!
...and second, the thoughts have not yet left my mind, and I told him this today

arrrghhhhh

please leisa, please come back to work very soon... I cant keep seeing this dick head... he knows nothing and is just making me feel worse


...I walked out of the hospital thinking I could handle this, that I'd be ok till she came back... but now... but now I just want to go out and kill myself cuz I just cant handle seeing him anymore...

I want out

I dont know what else to do

[Cryptic.]

I can relate, I want out too, I want to fade away so much right now. Fed up with all the BS.

But don't give up.
What good will it do?
Things can & will get better.
Give this time.

He asked about your SH because he was probably curious & concerned, though he may not understand it, he was only trying to be caring towards you I think...

Try to hold out just a little while longer.
You've made it this far, don't give up now.
Things get worse before they get better.
For a rainbow to shine, first must come the rain.

Don't.
Give.
Up.

[frizzly]

sorry he is so useless hunni.. maybe ill have to come yell at him on tues when we are freee.. how long till leisa is back?

keep holding on sweetheart

*take my hand and we'll make it*

remember your strong. dont give up. im here for you.

I hate it when doctors don't even read the files or know anything about what's going on. I hope you can switch. He does have to ask about the sh, as it's part of his job. Can you talk to someone in charge about switching since you don't get on with him?

[lozza]

I am too scared to switch cuz I am not good with new people at all:s
and my gp, leisa left in november... and six months from then - she should be back soon right???

he asked if I wanted to see him every week or once a fortnight... I wanted so badly to just say neither, that I'd see him once a month... but I was too scared he would say no - even though I know that logically I am in charge of when and how often I see him...

but yet I am letting him walk all over me

...and I know its his job to ask about sh and suicide... but its just the way he asks... it frustrates me so much

[lozza]

sorry to bump this back up... I am just freaking out about when I next see him, and especially because it will be the week after I see my pdoc...

I dont know... I just dont know

he shouldnt be taking up this much time in my mind... its almost like he is taking everything away from me as my abusers did... ****
how do I gain back the control? How do I tell him to just stop and leave me alone... that I am in charge of this working relationship... not him:s??