The manifesto of a noncompliant mental patient

[MadderThanAJudge]

Submitted and authored by Aubrey Ellen Shomo

I see it everywhere: People with mental illness need medication. It sounds reasonable.
Today, there are even political organizations that seek to make it easy to force a person to take it.

It’s easy to look at another and assume things like that. It’s human. After all, it’s compassionate to help someone who isn’t able to ask for help, right? They’ll thank you in the long run, won’t they?

No one asks why their child, or sibling or friend refuses to take their meds. Why bother? It’s an illness. It’s meaningless. The doctors say so. They know these things.
Have you ever questioned the logic of the phrase “She wouldn’t be refusing medication if she wasn’t ill”?

I am a noncompliant mental patient. I have been for years. I beg you. Ask why.
Look into my eyes and see me. Try to understand where I’m coming from. Even a crazy person has a human will.

I am someone’s sibling, someone’s child, and someone’s friend. I could be yours.
I’ve been told more times than I can count that I won’t make it without medication. I’ve been told that I have a chemical imbalance. My brain’s broken. I need it.

If I refuse, it’s the side effects. They can treat them with more medication. If it isn’t that I lack insight. I don’t know I’m sick.

Why would I possibly want to stop? How could I wish to do so? Let me ask you: Have you ever taken these drugs?

They call it anti-psychotic medication. It sounds good enough, but did you know these drugs are also called major tranquilizers?

They speak of side effects, but do you know what it feels like to have them? Can you read that on the label? On my label?

What’s that? You learned all about this in medical school?
Can you learn what it is to be in love from reading a medical description? Heart rate, neurotransmitters, behavior patterns. Three criteria out of five.
Can human experience be described in such simple terms? I bet you don’t think yours can. Why, then, do you insist on describing mine?

I know how major tranquilizers feel. I’ve had to.
They change a person. The vigor of human experience fades to shades of gray. Life becomes dull, boring, long. Creativity slips into nothingness. The very human spirit is dulled. You can go from the rapture of being alive to wondering if you even are.
They will make you calm. They will make you behave. They might even help with your problems, but they can dampen what really matters – what makes you alive.
They majorly tranquilize.

“She prefers her mania – her madness. It’s a symptom of the disease.”
How can you say what matters to me? Is that your right?
For this broken mind of mine, I have been locked up. I have been threatened. I have been restrained. I have suffered at the hands of a system I’m told is helping me.
And they wonder why I don’t trust them. How could I be hesitant, even bitter?

“She’s paranoid. She won’t take her medication.”
They might be right, but all I ever wanted is to make my own choices. I’ve only wanted to scream, “What about how I feel?!”

I am a noncompliant mental patient. Hear my voice.

A cancer patient can refuse chemotherapy. A religious person can choose to trust God over penicillin. A doctor would call both irrational, but acquiesce. All I ask is the same right.

“She’ll decompensate without it. It’s the only thing keeping her even remotely sane.”
I stopped all my medication twice. I was hoping once would be enough.
The first time, I failed. I lost it. They were right: I went crazy. I was strongly encouraged to take my meds. It was a fight I knew I would not win.

“Patient has been compliant – though hostile.”
A façade of normalcy regained. High functioning. Working, going to school, socializing. All the things you’re supposed to do. All so hollow. The spark was gone.
“The medication is effective.”
But the drugs felt the same. So, I stopped again. Lots of people do.

“Compliance is a major problem in the treatment of mental illness.”
I was told that I’d need medication forever. The facts spoke clearly. I was mentally ill. As long as I took my medication, I would be fine. Without it, I was doomed. Why did I want to stop?
I told them how it feels, but it didn’t matter. I told them I would recover through force of will alone.

“Patient is grandiose.”
So, I told them I didn’t believe I was sick.

“Patient lacks insight.”
In truth I was terrified. I believed I was insane, I had failed before, and I wasn’t sure I could pull it off on my own. After all, the facts were clear – no one does.
But I did.
Later I learned that many have. No one talks about them.
John Nash never took medication again – it was key in his recovery. They left that out of the movie.

There are many others who were told no one recovers – told that they would be ill forever – but who proved them wrong.

I am a noncompliant mental patient, yet no one would try to hand me a pill today.
To get here, I had to ignore good medical advice. I had to have poor insight and bad judgment. Without it, I would never have achieved what I have in life.

So, now when I hear about family members who should have made sure their relatives were taking the medication, or courts that should have forced it, I think to myself about doctors who should have listened.

I often think about people who may have succeeded in stopping their medication, if only they had the necessary support instead of assurances of failure. I wonder how many more I should be able to name.

I wonder why so few people speak of the validity of the desire to not be medicated. Even a crazy person has a human will.
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This work is Copyright © 2006 Aubrey Ellen Shomo. It was first published in the Spring 2007 issue of Open Minds Quarterly. It may be reproduced, copied, or reprinted in any medium now existing or invented in the future, so long as it is reproduced in its entirety, including this copyright statement, and so long as it bears attribution to the author, Aubrey Ellen Shomo. Spread it to the wind.
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[Ami]

Very very interesting. I think the point is, mental illness can put other people at risk, where as physical illnesses generally only put the patient at risk?

I think its also "easier" to give someone a few pills rather than give them therapy, as there is generally waiting lists. I think some people think pills are the easier option too.

In regards to antipsychotic meds, I have heard the phrase "They [antipsychotics] aren't ideal, but they are the best form of treatment we have at the minute". Which I agree with, kind of.

I'll come back when I think of stuff. But thanks for posting, its a different perspective. However I hope people who are on medication dont stop after reading this.

[MadderThanAJudge]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ami

Very very interesting. I think the point is, mental illness can put other people at risk, where as physical illnesses generally only put the patient at risk?

Really? - I see it as saying that meds make a lot of people ill & many people can recover med free if given half a chance.

[MadderThanAJudge]

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3QYP4aExX4[/ame]

[Stellata]

My perspective on medication, at least for troubles similar to my own, is that it is one tool among many. It can help enable enough stability to work more effectively in therapy, and to bring a sense of safety during times of crisis where hospitalisation is inappropriate.
But I would never advocate medication as a life long treatment for mental illness. It can provide a safe respite - when minimally prescribed - until one is able to manage and live with and navigate one's intense feelings without medicated support.
I also believe psychosis can be worked through therapeutically, given the safe space, and maybe a low dose of medication to help create enough space between the insight and the shadows.

[Ami]

Yea, I think i meant thats why its forced, because the person is deemed at risk to others and themselves?

[Stellata]

It's not forced in the case of everyone. Mine certainly never has been.

[MadderThanAJudge]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stellata

I also believe psychosis can be worked through therapeutically, given the safe space, and maybe a low dose of medication to help create enough space between the insight and the shadows.

I agree.

[Ami]

Sorry I am completely not explaining myself well lol. Like forced medication/IMs/whatever is because the person is deemed at risk to themselves and others, and are considered to be lacking insight/perception so someone else has to take control?

But yea. In my case, antipsychotics have done more harm than good. Constant sedation and falling asleep in lessons?? Lactation??? I'm convinced that they've messed my eyesight up as well but not sure.

I've stopped taking my meds for that reason. I haven't told the doctors because I'm so afraid they'll force me. The truth is, I may have been in the hospital often, but I have never tried to kill myself and I have never hurt someone else. So why on earth should I be forced to take them if I feel the benefits do not outweigh the risks? They actually do not help for any length of time anyway. I have been on my worst on medication. I really think it should be up to the patient if they have to take medication. Perhaps a temporary sedation if they are being violent, but long term medication really shouldn't be forced hardly ever if at all. The author is right that it takes away from everything. I couldn't do school well, I was more messed up than before, and it was just a downward spiral. I've decided that I will have to live with my symptoms (if they are even a problem, i haven't figured that out yet), if I want to go to school and have a good career. They promised wonder drugs and they only made it worse. That's not to say meds don't work for anyone, but I don't think they should force someone to the extent that they do.

[MadderThanAJudge]

Quote:

Originally Posted by frozenfairytale

I've stopped taking my meds for that reason. I haven't told the doctors because I'm so afraid they'll force me. The truth is, I may have been in the hospital often, but I have never tried to kill myself and I have never hurt someone else. So why on earth should I be forced to take them if I feel the benefits do not outweigh the risks? They actually do not help for any length of time anyway. I have been on my worst on medication. I really think it should be up to the patient if they have to take medication. Perhaps a temporary sedation if they are being violent, but long term medication really shouldn't be forced hardly ever if at all. The author is right that it takes away from everything. I couldn't do school well, I was more messed up than before, and it was just a downward spiral. I've decided that I will have to live with my symptoms (if they are even a problem, i haven't figured that out yet), if I want to go to school and have a good career. They promised wonder drugs and they only made it worse. That's not to say meds don't work for anyone, but I don't think they should force someone to the extent that they do.

Well said. I agree. These things should be personal choice; & people suffering from mental difficulty should be given full choice, support, & comprehensive psychological help to deal with their difficulties in whatever way they see fit.

Yes, it's wrong to refuse meds to someone that wants them, it is just as wrong to force meds on people that don't want them as well.

People can & do recover fully med free - from even the most severe forms of mental distress; if given half a chance. The potential is there to do so.

I agree that if someone is violent & for their safety & the safety of others then there is a case for incarceration & forced treatment - BUT - this measure is used to wrongly abuse many people. The truth is that the vast majority of the 'mentally ill' are statistically far less violent & far less of a danger than the general population. & in fact you are far more likely to be the victim of violence if you are suffering with a MH condition. This general perception of the 'mentally ill' as being dangerous & violent is very very wrong, & in the vast majority of cases it simply isn't true.

If we are using such a measure then maybe we should be drugging all the people that are going out & getting drunk & behaving the way that they do every Friday & Saturday night?

I have been the victim of forced treatments & incarceration. I have been made dependant on meds against my will. I had no choice in any of it; & it has been a severe injustice. I have no doubt that I could have been far far better helped by more therapeutic means, with proper social support & proper psychological help; & with being given proper choice.

Fair enough if some people profess to being helped by the system & meds - what about those of us who aren't?

The state of present MH 'care' is utter barbarism in my book.

Well done frozenfairytale in your convictions, aspirations, & goals - I wish you all the very best, & I'm sure that you will succeed. It is more than possible that you can work through things, & find healthy ways of dealing & coping with things; without meds. X

[Fry]