My Tattoo

[4evr_broken]

I got a tattoo on me on Monday January 4, 2010. It says 'Love'...on my arm. Most people probably doesn't know the meaning of it without me telling you, so i'm telling you now............

There's an organization called TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arm). Its an organization that brings awareness to self injury. Every year there is TWLOHA Day, so if you walk around school one day with people with the word "Love" written on their arm with Sharpie, then you know what day it is.

And yes, I am a self injurer. Its been awhile since I last did it, I don't know the exact days. It's been a part of my life for soooooo long. Six years. Some people do it their whole life, but I'm not going to be one of those people. It's been so much of my life, I decided to get "Love" on my arm to remind me everyday of my past. Of something that has made me who I am today. Yes, I have scars, but it reminds me of the bad things. When I see "Love" on my arm, it reminds me that I am strong enough to stop. Yeah, i've tried to stop countless times. But i'm still here, and thats all that matters.

Yeah, I have scarred myself for life. It might not be physical scarring for life, but emotional. I'm gonna know what i've done for the rest of my life, whether I have this tattoo or not. It's something that stays with you.

And you know what hurts the most about it all? It's not the countless dirty looks I got, or the uncomfortable questions I was forced to answer. Or the betrayal of my friend Ashleigh when she told the guidance counselor that I had a bottle of pills under my bed (im not mad at you for that, im actually thankfull for you telling her. thank you :) ). Whats hurts the worse if is the people I have hurt. Just from promising them that I will stop, but I never do.

I love life right now, and I always will. But there sare some days I just don't want to wake up. yeah, everyone has their days, but mine is almost everyday. but I think about my past. I went through sooo much trouble to stay alive, why give up now? The self injuring was to make sure I was alive. And now, I have something to look forward to. Aaron. Even if I don't see him that day, I know he's there, waiting for me.

So "love" on my arm means more to me than most people realise. My mom said 'it would make me uncomfortable if I had to explain to people why i got that'. Why be ashamed? Because I have scars all over my body? Because I have made mistakes in my life? My scars remind me that I have lived through it all, and I am proud of myself for that. Why hide your past? Yeah, your gonna wanna forget it, but if it wasnt for your past, then you wouldn't be here right now.

Be grateful that your here. Your here for a reason. Even if your one of those people that has hurt themselves, or tried to kill yourself. You've won the battle. The battle against death. Keep fighting. believe me, it's worth it.

[xlaurenx]

Yeah i know what you mean about TWLOHA i think its great. I have had love on my hand before in the form of the heart and also the word. I think its a great idea.

[4evr_broken]

thanks :)

[helaena]

This is amazing.
This is almost exactly how I feel, and, the funny thing is, I wanted to get a "Love" tattoo, even though I didn't know what it meant.
Now I want it even more.
And thank you for the inspiring post.
It makes me so thankful to know there are others that acknowledge the battle we have fought an won.

[starseeker]

:)
sometimes things just need to be said :D

[4evr_broken]

Thank you guys. :D I was hoping this post would inspire someone. I was hoping I didn't write it for no reason. And now I know it is for a reason. :D