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And this is supposed to be a good thing?
Please, don't laugh.
Tonight, I went to a party.
I was anxious, really anxious, so the first thing I did was head to the bar. I ended up dancing with a friend of a friend. And kissing a friend of a friend. And now, this friend of a friend wants to meet up again, sometime. The Cinema, maybe. A Pizza.
This is supposed to be a good thing.
The main problem is that I have an anxiety disorder. And I'm scared. I really am. I don't think I can cope with this. I just can't.
The idea of a boyfriend, of a relationship - being with someone day to day. Visiting them. Meeting up. Just being part of their everyday lives. God, I can't cope with it. I'm shaking just thinking about it. I'm not sure I can manage it. I'm not sure I can manage my life as it is.
But why am I throwing away every chance because I'm scared? Should I just keep pushing through the panic, like I always do? Would a relationship - a huge, huge step out of my comfort zone - be good for me?
I hope that makes sense...
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