Triggering (SI) - I think I pressed the self destruct button...
I feel really self destructive at the moment. I've started smoking again, I want to hurt myself, I want to have sex with random people and I really want to go out an get completely hammered. The only reason I haven't is because I'm at home and my parents would go nuts, but I go back to uni in just over a week....I'm kinda scared what will happen to me, but on the other hand I really really don't care.
It's all started because of masses of work I have to do, and because I'm still having issues with this guy I've been seeing/sleeping with. We were kind of going out for a while, as in, he asked me out and I said yes, but then we kinda fell apart and it's been a bit weird since then. and today he told me he went out with another girl on monday so I don't know what to think. He said he hasn't made a decision, but the waiting makes me feel worse.
I just want to self destruct. I don't want to kill myself. I just want to not exist. I would be quite happy to be sedated for quite some time in the hopes that some sort of decision would have been made when I woke up. I don't know.
any ideas what to do to not want to go mental would be much appreciated.
thanks for reading :)
The greatest hazard of all, losing one's self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all
wow.. i have just started crying cuz this is how i feel and reading it has triggered so much i am replying here and then going to chat to my fiancee....i think you should find someone that you can talk to right now as it can help
I feel exactly the same way.But I have borderline traits,so it's quite normal.I can feel okish and happy for a while and then start to cut and feel down.I also want to have sex with random strangers,I don't really care about the consequences,I just wanna do it,even though I know I'll regret it after a day,maximum two.
I'm glad you're ok now,hope it lasts.
You can buy me with a coffee,I'm so cheap. Got bitten fingernails&a head full of past;Got a broken heart&your name on my cast.
&&I wanted her to tell me that she will never wake me.
ok, so i'm going out later to get absolutely wasted and i don't care what happens. i'm actually excited about it. i think i might be going off the rails.....feeling great one minute and just not caring at all the next. who knows. hope it's a good night.....
The greatest hazard of all, losing one's self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all
i wont don't worry. :) thanks for being concerned tho. i'm about to go out to a guys house having just got in....lol i'll prob regret it at some point but im so drunk i dont care :)
The greatest hazard of all, losing one's self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all
i didn't go back to his in the end cos i passed out. just as well because he decided to tell me just now that he doesn't want a relationship. that's it. over. i think the self destruct button may come into play again soon. f**k :'(
The greatest hazard of all, losing one's self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all
