Advice about being in love with someone depressed.
Hi!
Okay, I met someone a year and a bit ago and we've been together ever since. He told me straight away he had depression, and tried to explain what that meant. My granddad had a psychotic episode last year, and has remained vaguely depressed ever since, so I had some idea what I'm up against.
I love him intensely, he is amazing, and I try to tell him as often as possible. But whenever he gets depressed (like an attack/episode, I don't really know the word) he tries to get rid of me, and says he doesn't deserve me and that I deserve much better etc.. Every time I tell him I want to stay with him and am happy to try and help with the depression and that I want to look after him.
But I can't stand when he ignores me, and tries to break up with me because of it. I'd reaaaaally like someone to give some advice on how to deal with him better, not get so upset by it, generally be stronger? I feel so, so guilty when I react, even though it's always much less than what he's done to me...
Any (polite) comments or advice would be very much appreciated xxx
Maybe you could sit down with him when hes not having an attack/episode and told him how this makes you feel. Prehaps you could come up with some sort of plan for when he does have one. I know its not the same but my best friend suffers from depression and so do i so when one of us isn't doing so well we give each other space could this be an option for you two.
I dont know if thats very useful but if you want someone to talk to my pm box is always open
good luck and take care :)
I'm not so good with the advice... Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?
i think it can be really difficult dealing with someoen close to you who has depression, or any other mental health problem for that matter. it can put a massive strain on you, and maybe you should consider whether this is really what you want? and more importantly, what you really deserve?
i know that in every relationship people feel negative things sometimes, but i think it comes down to how often you feel negative and how often you feel positive emotions. because if you're feeling down because of this most of the time, then maybe you could consider just being friends until he is better.
is he getting any help for it?
but on the other hand, all relationships have their problems, and if you really cant imagine being without him then i guess you just have to try and work out a way that you manage it together. because its not just his problem now, its your problem too because you also have to deal with it. effluo animus's suggestion sounded quite good.
i hope you manage to sort it out,
and please remember to look after yourself yeah,
Margaret
Well when he is with me, and he gets bad, I normally have to restrain him, and then I can calm him down, relatively, quickly. But we live a little way apart, and neither of us drives yet, so when he's alone it's a lot worse, and he ignores me until I force him to talk to me somehow...
What kind of plan? Your friend is lucky to have someone who also understands, I think one of our problems is that I DON'T have depression therefore can't quite grasp what it means, and I think sometimes he gets angry. I mean, some quite terrible things have happened to me in the past, but apart from the occasional blip, I more or less get on with it... sometimes I think he's jealous, or thinks I don't feel things 'normally'...
Yes, I have considered ending things when they've been bad, but he is never malicious and I know he does love me. We never really were friends before, so I don't think we'd know how to do it...
When we first got together the attacks were more frequent and then I got him to open up, and tried to help in any way I could. And he's now on medication and I'm trying to get him into therapy, but sometimes it just feels like he's given up...
A lot of his problems/triggers are at home, and I hope as we're going to uni next year, once he's away from home things will get better for him. I just don't know what to do in between to help...
