Triggering (Suicide) - :(

confused.com · 30-12-2009, 05:28 PM

Well its my 18th on the 1st of January and I really dont want to face it. My friend said oh just get wasted and dont think about but I dont drink because of difficulties in my family relating to that in the past. I wish I wasnt here for my 18th to be honest. I swore to myself on my 17th that by my 18ththat I would be s/h free and the most I managed was six weeks. My dad died in 2007 and I just wish that I could join him or take his place so he could come back and enjoy his life as I know he would whereas Im far from enjoying mine. I am not sure why I posted this thread I just needed to get my feelings out.

xx

Stellata · 30-12-2009, 05:30 PM

*sits with you*

What happened happened, and you can't ignore it or not face it. It's hard, I know.

confused.com · 30-12-2009, 05:34 PM

Yeah :( Im just not sure like whats going to happen from here

Stellata · 30-12-2009, 05:36 PM

What options do you have for getting through?
I'm wondering if creating and doing a little special ritual for your dad might be of help.

confused.com · 30-12-2009, 05:39 PM

There was a lot of problems with his side of the family when he died and I never got anything to remind me of him I have a couple of photos in my wallet but thats all. I dont talk with my mum either and Im currently staying with a relative which really isnt practical. I have been offered supported housing but then the relative im staying with has said they will never talk to me again if i go through with it. Therefore leaving me with no-one :( :( xxxx

Stellata · 30-12-2009, 05:43 PM

So you've unfinished business on top of it all. ((hugs you gently)) You do have reminders in your heart though, and they count for a lot.
Seems like there's a lot of blackmail and strained relationships within your famly.

confused.com · 30-12-2009, 05:47 PM

Yeah there is. I mean dont get me wrong I have a couple of great friends who I know will speak to me on msn and try to keep me like from going under I just dont know how much longer I can keep it up though. Thanks for the hug ((hugs you bacK)) xxx

Stellata · 30-12-2009, 05:49 PM

Have you thought of getting some professional support? Even something like bereavement counselling could really help.

It's great you've some friends who're helping you through. That counts for a lot. But you do deserve more support, and it certainly sounds like you need it.

confused.com · 30-12-2009, 05:51 PM

I do see a counsellor well I did see a counsellor weekly but there was pressure from the family to stop cos it was bringing shame on them. But i started seeing the counsellor in secret but I dont have an appt until the 8th of January and I just dont know if I will make it through till then xx

Stellata · 30-12-2009, 05:55 PM

That's next Friday, isn't it?

Sometimes it's possible to get an emergency appointment at your GP's. Would that be an option in the between time?

I really don't get how people think that seeking emotional support brings shame on them. But I guess if they feel deep down guilty about their behaviour, then that's what causes it. It's hard, I know. My father was paranoid about my therapy to begin with, until he came round as I started to relate at a deeper level with him and my mum.

confused.com · 30-12-2009, 06:00 PM

I dont know what like the GPs are for the hours they are working over this time of year also I didnt get much satisfaction last time I was forced into going to the doc to speak about the s/h as basically all they said was "there isnt alot I can do for you till you stop"
xxxx

xlaurenx · 30-12-2009, 06:14 PM

Aww hunni. I´m sorry your struggling so much but likei said I will try to be on msn tonight give me a text.

As far as the thread.You can speak to me whenever. What about going to the hospital as i know from what you have told me about your GP he is not the best.
Sorry its not the best advice hun.
Please be strong. you have done so well
love you xxxx
lauren xx