A couple of weeks ago I got really drunk and made out with this guy.....(No sex or even removal of clothes - just kissing.) I reluctantly gave him my number, and now he keeps calling me. Duh. (Stupid on my part, I know.) He is genuinely interested in me, and frankly, I am embarassed about how we...erm...met, and would rather not see him again. We've texted back and forth a few times, and I expressed that I was embarassed and had too much to drink/smoke.....He doesn't care. At all. I mean...what should I do? Should I meet with him again or just tell him I am not looking to date? (Though I am, just not him or under those type of circumstances...) I just feel like a jack*ss and would rather forget about the whole thing.
I know making out with someone isn't a big deal on the whole scheme of things, but I just feel guilty/slutty about it. I don't want to hurt his feelings, either, but part of me is thinking I don't owe him anything, am not emotionally invested in him, etc...so what is the big deal?
Everybody makes mistakes, especially when they are drunk, it is nothing to feel overly guilty or ashamed about, although I appreciate this probably doesn't stop you feeling those things.
I think you need to think honestly about whether or not this person is going to bring anything positive to your life, or would you just be letting them in out of guilt? If you are only letting them in out of guilt I would strongly advise telling them gently but firmly that you are not interested.
'Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.'
['There is only one thing we say to death. Not today'.']
'We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell. Oscar Wilde
Its hard to dance with the devil on your back. Sydney Carter
You're not the first person and you won't be the last to make a drunken mistake hun. However, not everyone is able to reflect in the mature way that you are and I think that's what you should be focusing on here. You have a good understanding of what you do and don't want.
You certainly shouldn't do something to simply please him... that's not good for you. Whilst difficult, I think honesty is your best policy here. Are you likely to see him in day to day life or would meeting excited him more then it being an opportunity for you to explain that you don't want to take things further?
Don't regret this though, it's a learning curve and you'll have many more of them until you're old and wrinkly! =)
Chloe x
We don't get given patience but the opportunity to be patient.
Courage isn't handed to us, but we are given opportunities to be courageous.
I agree that I shouldn't let him in out of guilt. I do worry that contacting him might lead him on, unless I am up front about how I feel about it. I don't see him day to day, though he does frequent a bar I go to (though I am not there nearly as much these days.) We know mutual people, so it is possible I will see him again.
Here's the deal: I don't recall much of our one-on-one conversation at the bar, so I don't even know him that well. I do remember talking about weight, and he used to be quite heavy, so maybe he felt some weird connection with me concerning that (aside from the whole making out part - heh.) He asked me out to lunch or a drink and.....I have no idea what we would even talk about, and I hesitate about the drink because, well, look where that landed me.
I don't know what I should say to him or how I should say it. Should I call him or send a text message (or would that be super wimpy)? Basically here is what I think: I was waaay too intoxicated that night, and what happened probably shouldn't have. I am embarassed. I am not interested in dating, and I don't want him to expect this sort of occurance in the future if we were to hang out again...Lunch isn't a bad idea, but if he is romantically interested (I can assume that, right?), I highly doubt he could switch to platonic mode just like *that*, you know what I mean? (Also, maybe he's latching on because he didn't date much/get female attention when he was heavier?)
Ugh. Sorry this was so long. I need to contact him soon because he called me Saturday. I always have the holidays as an excuse for not getting back to him right away though...
Well whenever a guy makes out with a girl who's drunk, he can't really assume she is definitely interested in him. I think you have nothing to feel guilty about. You should be up front with him though, so he doesn't get the wrong idea. If you think he could be a positive force in your life, go ahead and let him know you can be friends, but he must respect that's all you will be. However, if you think he will not be positive or that he will not respect you, let him know you don't want him to contact you. Hope it works out.
No need to apologise for the length of the post - it shows you're thinking about this and you care about his feelings, which is a very good thing.
I would say you could assume that he does like you and you dont' want to lead him on, which is very respectable. So I think you're right not to go for a drink or dinner as they seem more romantic. What about lunch, or telling him on the phone? I completely understand why you would chose text, but it's probably not the best way to deliver the news if he is in to you.
Either way you will need to respect his space, if that's what he wants, or if he is happy to be friends then that works in your favour. Either way... go with your gut, but I would tell him before an accidental meeting, as that would be awkward!
Good luck hun,
Chloe x
We don't get given patience but the opportunity to be patient.
Courage isn't handed to us, but we are given opportunities to be courageous.
Have you tried to explain to him that you really aren't interested? If he just thinks you're embarrassed about what you did whilst drunk, I bet he's just going to continue to tell you not to worry about it and try to persuade you to go out with him. If you truly are not interested in this guy, tell him nicely that you just aren't looking to be in a relationship right now. Hopefully he'll get the hint and leave you alone. Don't shut him out just because you are embarrassed though.
If all else fails, do one of three things I always d: 1) Tell him you're sorry, but you have a boyfriend and made a terrible mistake by kissing him that night. You didn't know what you were doing. 2) Get a friend to call him and tell him you never want to speak to him again. 3) Just don't answer his texts or calls.
I'm ashamed to say I've done all three of these things many times. They aren't nice, but if it's the only way to get them off your back...
Well, he called me last Saturday, and I didn't call him back. Yeah, I'm a jerk and a wimp, I know. He hasn't tried calling again, and I figure if he does, I will answer and explain...or if I run into him, I will apologize and explain. I am going to assume he got the hint, but I wouldn't doubt that he may try calling me again one night while he's drunk or something.
I know this probably wasn't the best way to handle the situation, but I'm not going to worry about it anymore. I have been in his shoes, so I know how it feels...Yuck. I feel bad for him, and I think that is making me feel obligated (still) to call him. Or at least message him. Maybe he is a nice guy and I am just making a big deal out of nothing...
