Hi everyone... Hope everyones having a nice xmas...
The past while Ive been feeling really broody & after a talk with my boyfriend last nite were thinking about having a baby. Im 19 and at uni and he's nearly 18 at a higher education college. I suffer with possible bipolar/bordeline PD and he has ADHD and aspergers. Im on tegretol, seroquel, sertraline and zopiclone and I was just wondering would this effect my chances of conceving and effect the baby?
Weve talked about giving up our social lives and to be fair we dont go out very often and are happier sitting in with each other... financily were both on higher rate DLA and he hates college so he wants to drop out. (I dont agree with him dropping out.) He wants to teach marital arts in a few years in which he's already qualified in and stay at home with the baby while I finish uni (I'll only have another year and a half until I get my degree).Also I guess if I have a baby it'll make me have to eat and not cut (which Ive not been doing alot off) as well, but I just want for my own wee family more than everything and so does my bf cos he's adopted and longs to be a part of his own family
I know everyone will think it's a silly idea but I'm sure we could manage right!? The only problem would be my medication and I was just wondering has anyone else concieved a healthy baby when on medication?
Thanks for reading anyway :):)
xo
Each tear drop falls with sorrow, hoping and praying for another tomorrow!
I dont know about the meds affecting your ability to conceive, but I do know that having a baby will not make you want to stop cutting and start eating. In fact, it will probably make those urges worse because of all the stress and physical discomfort that comes along with carrying a baby.
If neither of you are out of college yet, then I (personally) dont think you should have a child. In today's world you cant get anywhere without a college degree and your boyfriend dropping out now could REALLY come back to haunt you later when you need that money for supporting the child.
You don't want to be pregnant your last year of college. How would you complete your exams and all that when you're constantly going to Dr's apptments?
Also, you guys are so SO so young. You really ought to wait. Think of the kid - can you HONESTLY give it the best life possible right now? Or do you think it could have a better life a few years down the road when you're more settled?
A kid is not the answer to your problems - it's the doorway to many more.
Think about it carefully. Talk to your parents or an adult that you trust who's had kids already. I guarantee you that they will agree with what I've said.
Regardless of what you decide, I honestly wish you all the very best.
I've heard SSRIs can cause birth defects in the foetus.
I think it may be too much for you both at the present time. Do you have a dr you an discuss the medication with (im sure most you're not supposed to take when preganant or breast feeding), and some sort of support worker who you can discuss whether you feel like you will cope, money, etc. And also whether you want a baby for the right reasons?
Ultimately, it's you're choice, and good luck with whatever you choose xxx
I don't think you can take those medications whilst pregnant, you'd need to talk to your GP about that. Having a child in order for you to eat properly and not cut isn't right I don't think, I actually think that's quite selfish and that on the whole you don't sound sure enough about this.
xx
Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?
Hey thanx for your reply... I know it seems like a bad idea but I want to make my boyfriend happy, he wants a family of his own more than anything and Ive always wanted my own child... I seen my sister have a baby a 17 and she's happier than anything. I want to be just like that. College is great and all but the student life isnt for me... I dont like going out and getting drunk like everyone else... Ive lived my life with the ups and downs. i no finacially could be difficult but I can always go back to uni in later years especially with being so young now.
I understand what you mean about how it would effect the baby but surely its not all about finacnce but loving the child as well...
I know I sound unreasonable but I just have this over whelming urge for a child of my own.
I'm taking on-board what your saying so I think I should talk to my Dr at my next appointment and see what he says with the medcation and stuff!
Each tear drop falls with sorrow, hoping and praying for another tomorrow!
Don't do anything just to make him happy. True, it isn't all about finance but you need to be financially stable to have a child. Love won't put dinner on the table every day and pay for everything else it needs to ensure it has a comfortable life.
Stop thinking about what I want, what he wants, what your parents want. What do you want?
To be honest it doesnt sound like having a baby now would be the best thing. For starters you would need to stop most of, if not all, of your medication and if you are on it in the first place you can't be totally well. Having a baby is a huge responsibility and extremely stressful and if you arent well it's going to be a huge strain.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
Firstly - the way you are posting about this suggests to me that you long to have a baby to complete a family for your partner, however, that can happen at any time and perhaps at the moment waiting will be best.
I think you should aim to have a period of stabilisation in your life (of at least a year) before you take on the challenge of having a baby. By stabilisation I mean proper eating and caring for yourself (perhaps also with no self harm). From what I have read you are still struggling with mental illness - and while I believe you can be a parent with mental illness, if you are making the decision, I would honestly consider having a period of wellness to give you the best chance at wellness when the baby is born. Thereby maybe reducing your risk of post-natal depression.
The "I want to make my boyfriend happy" is not a good reason for a child, especially give both of your ages and current financial situation. Why not invest in something else - such as a puppy? We recently got one and it's made my family of two into a family of three (and I don't mind telling you that despite being 21, free of self harm for 1.5 years, the first week of having a puppy was upsetting, tiring, and very difficult. That would only be magnified for a human being). Might help you get ready, yknow?
If this is truly what you want, and he wants, you will both be able to wait so as to give your child the best in life.
You have a year and a half till you finish your degree. My advice? Wait. Wait and make sure this is what you really, really want. If you're strong enough to wait then you will know by the end, and also, if you wait till your degree is finished it might allow you to get that qualification and then get into work later.
So I'm not saying you two shouldn't have children eventually - but I think you should wait, for the benefit of you all. I'm not trying to be cruel to you Elaina, I promise. Do speak to your doctor, though, if you are (after all this) still considering it.
Last edited by Snow White. : 26-12-2009 at 08:07 AM.
I agree with aimee, a dog is a good idea. I just got one and it was very stressful, and it's only a dog! Plus, correct me if i'm wrong, it sounds like this hasn't been very planned yet and is more spontaneous. You really need a lot of thinking and planning before having a child. You guys are so young; you may regret it later. My friend chose to have a child at 18 just because she wanted to feel loved by the baby, and yes, she worked through it, but it wasn't the best for the kid or for her. She totally loves him and her new baby, but she also hasn't been in the most stable condition for her children. Also, being so young, your love relationship isn't set in stone. It may be, but a lot can change. And if there's a break up that can be really hard having a kid with someone. So it's your choice, but really talk it through with someone who's been there.
hey yea... i agree that it would be the best thing to wait espes with the stress of having a baby... the only thing is when im on a high i want to do all these spontanious things and yes the urge for a child is still there but i dont see me doing well in uni anyway... =|
we discussed doing the dog thing first but i just lost my dog 2 months ago and its still quite fresh... i couldnt go through it all again and I would feel like im betraying my old doggy if I got a new one... =|
Thanks for all u replies and I am taking on board what everyones opinions are!
xXx
Each tear drop falls with sorrow, hoping and praying for another tomorrow!
I'm going to have to agree with everyone else hun. It sounds to me as though you feel having a child with miraculously make all of your problems, all of the hurt you're feeling go away. The truth is, it won't.
You need to be 100% well and ready before you have a child. I know you said you saw your sister have one at 17 and get on ok, can I ask-does have have MH problems as well? If not it's not really fair to compare as the circumstances are different. Your medication would present problems as if you didn't have to cut them out completely you'd at least have to change them, how well do you feel you would cope with that right now? Also, think about the hormones surging-are they likely to make you feel better, or worse?
You're obviously a very loving person, and there's no reason why you shouldn't have kids later down the line but personally my advice would be to wait. At least wait until you've finished college, your bf has a job and you've been stable for at least a year with perhaps no meds. But mostly wait until you know you are doing this for YOU not for someone else.
B
Life Is Like A Beautiful Melody Only The Lyrics Are Messed Up
I think that's a wise move, thank you for listening to the posts too, because I know it can be an emotionally-charged situation to be in. I'm sorry to hear about your dog recently passing, I do agree it might be best to maybe wait till you feel ready.
Yea my dog dying took an emotional strane on me and although it might sound silly maybe thats what I'm missing, Ive always felt the need to care for someone, I played with dolls until i was 12 lol! In saying all this though... what if I'm on my meds for the rest of my days... what if im never emotionally stable!? I mean I'm out of hospital nearly a year... thats kinda good right? =/
My sis doesnt have mental health problems but she's always been the type to stress over silly things.
I know I couldnt stop all the meds at once cos I get really bad withdrawel sypmtoms but I could be weened off them... Oh but hormones would be a majour problem I have to say... even at ladies time I'm a nightmare and I'd be the first to admit it.
Thanx for everyones replies... Ive got quite a lot to think about.
Each tear drop falls with sorrow, hoping and praying for another tomorrow!
I've been on tegretol and was stable when at uni. But I was told by my doctors that it would be an extremely difficult life if I had a child (some children don't survive past a very early age) due to disabilities caused by medication. Also I need to say (although I don't want to) that if both parents' illnesses rapidly worsen in the UK, at best the children will be placed temporaily/permanently on Social Services' "at risk" lists, and at the worst, be placed in "alternative accomodation". I worked with social services while hiding my illness and my want for children, and it ripped me apart.
I appreciate how much you may want children, and can empathise. If you google the Norfolk & Waveney mental health trust pharmacy, it is very clear in explaining the risks involved with having children while on psychiatric medication.
