I've been lied to!!!

Sarika · 18-12-2009, 08:34 PM

Basically my "friend" just told me that she's lied about everything...now of course I don't know if she's lying about lying.

I believed every word of it, she and I were so similar. She told me she had anorexia and was severely underweight. Apparently she's a normal weight without an ED. She told me that she's been depressed but never attempted suicide or OD'd before. She told me that she was in ICU and in a coma due to an OD - that's a lie too! She told me she had DID, nope doesn't have that. I mean, she even faked the different "personalities". She told me she self harmed severely and had many stitches and even surgery for the scars. That's a lie too!! She lied about being abused when she was younger. She lied about her memory. She lied that she had bipolar disorder. She lied so damn much!!! Like everything I knew never existed. Although she admitted that she has faked chest pains and abdominal pain just to land in the hospital ER....like what?! I've had REAL heart problems and ovarian cysts that land me there...I think after I told her she "learned" the symptoms and went off to lie.

WHY, why, why? Why would someone do this to me? I'm so confused and hurt. I finally learned to trust this person with my life and she turns around and lies about everything! I have major trust issues and this, this is so painful emotionally. Luckily I'm seeing my therapist today because this...this is awful.

What is wrong with her? Seriously, why did she do this? I mean, is it some kind of mental disorder? Like compulsive lying? God, I cannot believe this happened, I'm seriously in shock.

Just someone tell me what to do. I'm so hurt right now and she wants to talk to me more but I'm ignoring her now.

(If it eases you, it is no one on here)

Fry · 18-12-2009, 08:40 PM

I'd be really really annoyed if this was a so called friend of mine lying. Maybe she does have some kind of compulsive lying problem. I would imagine that it was all made up for attention though, that she feels that her personality alone wasn't getting the right kind of, or any, attention so she made all this up. Maybe she was jealous of the attention that you have gotten from your own problems and she felt overshadowed.
When you feel less reactive emotionally about it, maybe you could try talking to her about her reasons behind the lying. If you feel you want to stay friends and give her the time that is.
I can understand why you are feeling so upset. Being lied to is one of the most hurtful things.

xx

Sarika · 18-12-2009, 09:03 PM

Thanks for the reply

What I don't get is why anyone would want to be sick physically or even fake it. Why would she want to lie about being sick and then why would she fake being sick to get to the hospital? I'm so confused on that part. I hate being sick, ill, or in a hospital. I hate my mental health issues, I wish they didn't have to haunt me. I wouldn't wish them on anyone, so why would someone want them? Like I said, it's really confusing.

I'm really questioning if I want to be "friends" with her. After all she did, she has shaken me emotionally to the core. I question if she even deserves my friendship...but then I think, she told me she lied, maybe she couldn't live with herself and now truly wants to be honest? I don't know.

Fry · 18-12-2009, 09:18 PM

Quote:

What I don't get is why anyone would want to be sick physically or even fake it. Why would she want to lie about being sick and then why would she fake being sick to get to the hospital? I'm so confused on that part. I hate being sick, ill, or in a hospital. I hate my mental health issues, I wish they didn't have to haunt me. I wouldn't wish them on anyone, so why would someone want them? Like I said, it's really confusing.

Some people are so desperate for attention that they will do things that ensure they get it even in a negative way. I know you don't like being ill etc. But this person was only using illness etc in order to be focused on.

Cryptic. · 18-12-2009, 09:26 PM

Hate me/slate me for this, but I like being ill too, I have M.E and other health problems and mental health problems, I do hate that I am ill but I like it in the sense that I feel that when I'm unwell, I crave people to take care of me, and look after me, and care for me, sometimes I cut myself just to take care of them and for others to care for me too, to see how much I'm hurting inside and such, perhaps this is what she was craving too? Something must have happened to her that has caused her to act this way and behave in this way, or she could be hating herself so much/wanting to push everyone away she is lying about lying to get people to hate her and leave her?
I'm not sure, did you ask her?

Sunshine · 18-12-2009, 10:26 PM

I really dislike people that lie or exsagerate there illnessnes, i dont really have any advice other then that i would personaly try and get away from them because they would wind me up and make me annoyed but if you feel you can put up with the lieing or that she wont lie again and has truely changed then go for it!
i hope things work out for you
x

lostandalone3 · 19-12-2009, 05:41 AM

I am sorry that you were lied to. However you need to think that this person must have some big problems if they feel the need to fake illness.

It is actually a mental disorder where people fake illness for the attention they recieve from it. So maybe she needs your help and understanding....

AngelOfMusic09 · 19-12-2009, 05:47 AM

I used to fake illnesses when I was younger because my brother had severe disabilities so he got TONS of attention because he had so many needs that had to be met, and by being sick, I got the attention I desperately needed, but being sick was the only way I knew how to get it. If that makes any sense..I'm not trying to justify her behavior, but I can kinda understand it

DLT · 19-12-2009, 06:32 AM

although she doesn't have the same struggles, she obviously has plenty of her own issues. but i can completely understand where you are coming from. there are very few people i trust enough to open up to completely, and were one of them to betray my trust and manipulate me into feeling understood i would have a hard time forgiving them.
obviously, you shouldn't trust her the same way. but maybe it would be possible to remain civil with her? having hate for someone is never good. and it could make her problems worse.
but at the same time, do whatever is healthier for you

Sigma · 19-12-2009, 08:02 AM

like the others have said, it sounds like she has her own struggles - anyone who was happy with the way they are wouldn't lie like that...

i guess you need to decide whether you feel able to forgive her, or not - if you can, you probably need to let her know how this has made you feel and try & have an honest conversation about why she did it, and what help & support she really needs (instead of the false help & support she gets through lying).

But you're in a vulnerable state, if you're not able to do that without making it worse for yourself, then don't do it...

like DLT says, do what's healthier for you

TheHeroYouHate · 19-12-2009, 04:27 PM

I have had several friends that have done this.
It's horrible.
I would say try and have a real deep conversation about her and her problems and try to work out why she does it.

marilyn2662 · 20-12-2009, 10:59 PM

I'm so sorry that you've been lied to, I can understand the pain and hurt that you are feeling right now. *hugs*

There is a syndrome known as Munchausen Sydrome, this basically means that the sufferer fakes illness, or psychiatric trauma to draw attention to themselves, most commonly for sympathy. It's sometimes referred to as hospital addiction syndrome.

It could be possible that she is a comulsive liar (pseudologica fantastica) too, but Munchausen's seems more likely.

I'm not condoning her actions, merely offering an explaination because I have been in your position before.

PM me if you need to hun *hugs*

xx