Possibly Triggering - I'm that girl *poem*

11-12-2009, 03:46 AM

I'm that girl

I'm that girl in the back of the class.
The one that walks unnoticed through the halls.

I'm that girl with that smile on her face.
The one that says there is no pain at all.

I'm that girl with all those friends.
The one who seems to have gotten it right.

I'm that girl who is always alone
even in a school of 3000 people

I'm that girl who just wants to dance around in an elegant dress
with those worn out converse on her feet.

I'm that girl who blushes at compliments
but is longing for someone to tell her she is good enough.

I'm that girl who tells the guy she isn't upset about his new girlfriend
when on the inside she is longing to be loved.

I'm that girl who spends hours daydreaming
about the day when all this will end.

I'm that girl who cries herself to sleep
but will never tell a soul what is wrong.

I'm that girl who writes her story on her skin in the form of cuts
but tells the story to no one.

I'm that girl who says she is okay
but is just longing for someone to see the truth

I'm that girl who is longing for the affection of her father
but settles for not being called fat for a day

I'm that girl who no one would ever guess is falling apart
but it takes all that she has to paint on a fake smile.

I'm that girl who prays when she goes to bed at night
that she might forget how to breath by the time morning comes

I'm that girl who lives in a constant state of pain
but has no bandaids for proof.

I'm that girl who is longing for that shoulder to cry on
but is always that shoulder to someone else

I'm that girl who you assume wouldn't understand your pain
but is just the weaker one who doesn't know how to show it

I'm that girl who goes to church regularly
to hide behind the good christian pews to escape from God.

I'm that girl who needs a hug
but has no body to hold onto

I'm that girl listens to yelling all day long
and replays it allin her mind while in the place she is expected to call home

I'm that girl who puts on a smile,
but is not in any way okay.

linglong · 11-12-2009, 10:05 PM

my god this is amazing, i can totally relate to all of it,it is just like you've written it about me. which s kinda scary yet good
xxxxxx

12-12-2009, 04:54 PM

thanks :) it was purely written about me haha so looks like we have some things in common

linglong · 12-12-2009, 07:58 PM

hehe yeah, you should def write more x

Datura. · 12-12-2009, 08:09 PM

*huggles* Amazing, hope you're okkay x x x x

Morpheus · 12-12-2009, 08:46 PM

To be honest, I don't like it. I don't feel you in the poem. A poem is supposed to draw you in, make you feel. For a poem that is called, I'm that girl, I find it too hard to feel that girl. I read about her, but I don't feel her in any way. There could be so many emotions in a poem like this, it's a shame you didn't manage to portray them in a way, that would make us feel them.

My advice is to try to challenge yourself and explore the language more. For it to be a good and exciting read, which a poem is supposed to be, you need more variety in your choice of words and you need to make people feel what you write. The emotion of it.

linglong · 12-12-2009, 08:56 PM

qvazzy, i dont think there was any need to be that harsh about a poem, its about how she feels and whats happened.
it doesn't need to be done in a new or exciting way.
everyone feels different and sometimes doing a poem is a way of releasing feeling etc, i know thats what i do.

easily broken, please keep writting coz i would love to read more xxxx

ColourExplosion · 12-12-2009, 09:02 PM

I agree, there's criticism and there's just being plain rude.
It's a really awesome poem, I personally thought it was amazing.

Morpheus · 12-12-2009, 09:08 PM

And you could stay out of things that are none of your business, couldn't you? I simply told my honest opinion and a couple of suggestions on what she could do to improve. I don't see the problem and I definitely don't think you have the right to say im just plain rude.

ColourExplosion · 12-12-2009, 09:11 PM

I'm not even going to argue on this thread, it's not worth it.

linglong · 12-12-2009, 09:11 PM

you were though, yes give your opinion but theres no need to be so rude to someone.

Morpheus · 12-12-2009, 09:18 PM

I don't consider it rude. I wouldn't consider it rude if someone said it to me so I'm actually quite insulted that someone says im just plain rude. Actyually I think thats a pretty rude thing to say.

But yeah, bitch at me all you want. It makes no difference after all.

12-12-2009, 11:18 PM

Okay, thanks for the advice, I didn't write the poem for anyone else's approval I wrote it because I wanted to find some way to put MY feelings into words, I honestly don't care if someone doesn't like it because we are different people, I posted it on this site because I thought maybe someone could relate to being that girl hiding behind the girl people thinks she is, and obviously some do... so thanks to all of you, I appretiate you being honest Qvazzy and the other three of you thank you for being supportive... I don't write regularly my passion is behind a camera lense and I don't have any of my pictures uploaded on here yet but I know that I am a lot better at that than poetry...but this is for me not anyone else.

forever_lost · 15-12-2009, 04:18 AM

I think it's beautiful.
Very expressive.
Poetry is a wonderful thing.
It can never have "wrong" grammar or punctuation.
And it never has to make sense to anyone but the writer.
And you have put together something lovely.
I really would like to read more, and see some of your photography!

xHailzx · 15-12-2009, 05:56 AM

i think a lot of people can relate to this<3
*hugs*
i'm totally right there with ya girl<3
it'll be okay

finding.my.wings · 15-12-2009, 06:05 AM

i really like it, it speeks to me so well. thanks so much for having the courage to share it. :)

lozza · 18-12-2009, 02:14 AM

I really liked it hun