Hello everyone! Im K and im 21. i was on RYL under a different user name but havent been online for several years. I am now over 2 years self harm free (apart from minor slip ups-very superficial scratches ect) and i'm having an overwhelming urge to hurt myself. i dont know whats triggered it, i know i cant because my partner will be hurt and i cant hide it from him, i cant harm on my arms as im training to be a nurse so people will see but my mind is still trying to think of places to do it so that noone can see. so logically i know i cant, if uni find out/placement they could say im not fit to be on the course. But i cant get rid of the desire to do so. I was thinking about calling a friend but they're all nurses and although they're aware that i used to self harm i worry they'll judge me if i tell them i'm having a hard time, my head feels a mess and i dont know what to do, but i do know what this feeling isnt going to go away on its own. I dont want to do it as i know what a slipperly slope it is but at the same time i've got such a strong urge to cut. i know it works i know it will make me feel better and lift this eughness :S am i making any sense?
Yes, you are defintely making sense.
I think reaching out to someone is a very very good idea. Try to catch this now, before it can progress. You are so right, it can become a slope that becomes so very hard to stop and get back out of.
If you feel uncomfortable talking to your 'colleagues' would you consider going to your GP and asking for some help, maybe a referral to see someone?
Does your partner know how you are feeling? Would you be able to discuss it? Let him know you are sinking a bit?
The more support you can get around you, the better.
let us know ok?
xx
thank you for your reply, i'm still trying to find the words to explain to him that i'm want to cut. he seems to think that he should be able to fix everything-i'm going to try talk about it to him tonight though. i'm thinking if he's aware i'm less inclined to hurt myself as i wont be able to hide it from him. but at the same time i've thought of somewhere i can do it and the intrusive thoughts just keep coming back. i'm going to get a bath and try and chill out a bit and make him come and sit with me so i cant hurt myself.
thanks again for replying
Talking to him is the best idea.
My H at first had problems with not being able to 'fix' me. He felt he should be able to. But, they can't.
I repeatedly told him it simply wasn't something he could do, nor should he.
Pls do try to talk to him, even if you have to write him a little note about it all, to get started. Doesn't matter how you say it, just so long as you do.
It can really help knowing he is aware and you can just have a cuddle when you need one.
Good luck tonight.
Let us know how it goes ok?
xxx
I can so understand where you are comingfrom K,reading your post was like reading my own mind a few weeks ago, unfortunately i wasnt strong enough to resist the urges and now i am living with the consequences...
I am here if you need to talk, my PM box is always open...
I hope that you managed to find the strength to your partner... support is a good thing.
thinking of you, sending you a hug and hoping you feel a little better.
kat x
Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you can see forever.
i managed to tell him, feel really silly though as i couldnt say it so i wrote it on my phone and handed it to him whilst we were in bed. i couldnt even look at him, i feel so guilty. he said it was fine that i felt that way because i didnt hurt myself, little did he know thats all i thought about for the rest of the night. Still feeling the urges to do so just hope i can resist and try block out these thoughts
thanks for replying
well done for telling him (it doesnt matter how you did it), that took a lot of courage (hmmm can't spell!)...
if you want, write me a pm eveytime you are struggling, just to try and take it away a little.
alternativelt try out some of the distractions and games, it might help, but mainly,keep talking, be it on here or to your partner.
always here if you need anything. k x
Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you can see forever.
That's awesome you were able to tell him! Well done!
It is awkward telling someone at first, I can relate to that. But youdid it.
I hope it helps, having him know now?
At least now, he can keep a bit of an eye on you..knowing how you are feeling. Now, too, since it is out, yu don't need to explain, just simply say you are still feeling that way. If you don't feel able to discuss it but still need some cuddles and support.
Have you considered going to your GP?
Maybe a litte more support would be a benefit right now?
xx
