Triggering (Substance Abuse) - weed vs. alcohol?

[bobbiwibble]

So I know the right answer is 'neither'. But I can't do that, not right now.

I have a pretty bad alcohol problem and literally all my money goes on alcohol, except for £5 which is spent on cigarettes!

I've just started counselling and seeing a mental health assessor, who has referred me to a psychologist. Everything's finally moving, and I'm finally going to be getting help. Drinking is my main coping mechanism and my mental health assessor has told me to carry on drinking when I need to because she doesn't want me moving too fast and we're working on the other coping mechanisms which are much worse.

I can't afford to drink though - I get £80 a fortnight DLA and it's all going on alcohol in the first 10 days and for the next three days I binge on junk food, SI and sometimes OD. I get about 4 hours sleep a night and when I don't drink I often don't sleep at all for 24 hours or more.

My DLA is stopping soon because I havent been going to see my GP often enough (she's scary and thinks I'm lying about the stuff I've told her)

So that's the back story. Somehow without even realising it, I've started smoking weed a lot more - I smoked it alone for the first time the other night and I just woke up after 10 hours sleep.. I'm terrified at how much I liked it because I was half-hoping I wouldn't enjoy it! It's also helped me regulate my eating in the past, when I was having ED-type problems. So I can see myself getting into it SO easily and then finding it very hard to get out.

I can't cope without something though, I just can't. I've tried, and it always ends badly. Should I stick with something I can't afford when I already have liver problems? With weed, you never know exactly what's in it, you don't know the long term affects and oh, IT'S ILLEGAL.

It just seems like it's a step too far. But I want instant relief, I liked feeling better, I liked sleeping. I liked being able to spend time around my mum in the evenings, because she's worried about how much I drink so she's constantly checking my room for bottles and trying to smell my breath (she has no idea what weed smells like and it wouldn't even occur to her). I liked waking up in the morning and going to the shops and buying christmas presents and not constantly yawning and swaying and feeling hungover.
It scares me how much I like it :( and I'm worried about it getting dark now, because I've still got a little bit left and I don't want to smoke it two nights in a row!

I know this post is a bit rambly and doesn't make sense, sorry. I just needed to lay it all out as objectively as I could.

I hope this doesn't come across as pro-substance abuse, because it isn't in the slightest. It is just in the end, I'm sure everyone will agree, better than ending up in hospital after taking an overdose once a month

[Zedebee]

I'm sorry sweetheart but you know I can't really give you an answer to this. Maybe you could discuss it with your psychologist? *hugs*

[White Noise]

I don't know what the best response to this is, but one thing you should perhaps consider is the problems with developing a second problem alongside getting drunk. I mean, sure, perhaps it can occasionally act as an alternative to drinking as an alternate coping mechanism, I've found that when i get stoned I don't tend to drink but then, it still costs a lot, and you can still develop a substance abuse problem if you're not careful. It isn't as simple as exchanging one substance for another, smoking weed isn't going to cure your alcohol problems. If you can't excercise control over your use of it, or you find yourself craving it, then don't touch it.

That's only my opininon, and I suspect your psychologist can give a better answer, but I'd say having problems with two different substances is worse than one.

[bobbiwibble]

I was thinking maybe I could switch it from alcohol to weed but I suppose you're right, that would be very difficult especially as I don't have much discipline/ self-control at the moment. Things are just so difficult right now that I'm trying to give myself whatever could make me feel better even if its the short term fix..

Thanks for the replies :)

[LilTom]

I made a switch and it's going great.

[HarryMonk]

If you "made the switch" it would only be a matter of time before you got two problemos in your face instead of one bobbibaby.