what do u look for in a therapist/counslor

[lizzy100]

im just wondering what u guys think is important in a therapist, its just i dont know if im too fussy or not because i think its important to get on with someone but i dont seem to get on with many people. anyway wanted to know how u guys feel.

[Stellata]

Genuine caring.
Ability to tolerate difficult and intense feelings.
Able to help you contain the intense feelings.
Direct, firm, clear.
Good boundaries, but also warmth and holding.
Respect.
Genuineness.
Remembers the key parts of your life and situation and story.
Sees you, not a diagnosis.
Helps you find your own path to healing.
Is open to other forms of communication, like art and writing.
Allows your feelings to emerge at your own pace.
Helps you to understand yourself and others, and the dynamics of your thinking and feeling, and supports you in ways to change this if need be.

[in another life]

Stellata put it quite well - I look for all those things to...

[lizzy100]

wow thats a long list, maybe im not so fussy :p but yea i guess id say

that you can get on with them, trust them-in time
that they are good with boundaries but also approachable etc
can have a sense of humour but not in the wrong places!
that they can cope with what i tell them and dont fall apart crying like some of them have.
that they want wats best for me.

and i know it sounds weird but i have a thing with age and weight too that sounds awful but i just dont think older people can relate to me. and also when i had an eating disorder i would always end up seeing these overweight nurses and stuff telling me to eat more, and it really annoyed me.

[88shelz]

i simply need someone who i can build trust with,
someone who talks to me and not at me
and will be there when i need help most

[lizzy100]

that makes sense

[Mrs Sam]

hmm i wouldnt say i "look" for anything but the things i like about my therapist is:

The fact she genuinely cares
She never gives up on me even when i do
That she is sometimes quite stern with me when i need it
Trust we have in each other (goes both ways)
That she can read me like a book
That she has practical suggestions to help me not just talking stuff
That she sometimes swears (it makes me chuckle)
That she gets angry on my behalf about things
That everything she ever does is for my own good even if sometimes i dont like it.
That she remembers things so i dont have to bring them back up.
That she never writes notes!

However i've been seeing my therapist on and off for 6 years so i would say alot of this is due to that fact.

[...Vanessa...]

I met with three or four people before I found someone I really liked. What bothered me about the first few was thier attitude about SH. I wanted someone that understood, didn't judge and make me feel guilty for slip ups.

The first lady I saw insisted I show her my cuts and I hated that.

The second one would have my dad come in the last 15 minutes and pretty much tell him everything we talked about. I really hated that! It made me not want to talk to her.

The third one checked the clock all the time. All she cared about was money. She would arrive late and end the sessions early. I was paying for one hour but really getting only a half hour because of how long it took her to get settled and wrap up. She was nice, but I didn't think she really cared.

My favorite one let me color or do puzzles. She didn't insist one eye contact...I really struggle with eye contact while talking and this was perfect. Made the sessions a lot easier. She would even bring in new books and expensive coloring supplies that she picked up just for me. She also would bring in her dog and let me bring mine sometimes, they could play while we talked, it was a nice distraction when things got heavy and hard. She moved away a few years ago and I really miss her, she was great!

[Gone.]

Vanessa, the last therapist you talk about sounds so lovely!


I am not too sure about mine at the moment.


But someone who didn't make me feel stupid and who didn't take notes.
Someone who you could learn to trust and would not judge you.
Knowing boundaries but still showing that they care.
Taking the time and going that extra mile.
Learning to trust you and respecting how you feel.
Not laughing at you and being too blunt.
Being fairly open and hiding no secrets.


Basically, I will probably think of more... but this is my list for now :)

[lizzy100]

yea i hate it when they take notes too. u can understand the first session, but every session it really annoys me. and sometimes people have laughed at me when i wasnt trying to be funny but just saying it how it was, and that was abit annoying.

[Ninja Orange]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ...Vanessa...

The first lady I saw insisted I show her my cuts and I hated that.

Oh God, I had one like that too. I despised her, absolutely!

--

What I like in a therapist, is most importantly, that they either share, or at least acknowledge my views and opinion, around SH and what to focus on to fix it.

I had 3 before the one I have now, and all 3 wanted me to quit SH immediately, and to work from there, while I had a different opinion on the matter. My current therapist shares my view that SH is a response to something else, and not a problem in itself, and hence rarely even asks about it, to the extent that I didn't even tell him for ages that I had quit.

Also, he has a sense of humour, which he uses. The previous 3 kept the sessions very serious and that made me feel nervous. Here, I feel relaxed.

And, of course, that you feel comfortable around the person.

[inblack]

Credentials
Experience
DBT Knowledge
BPD knowledge
Humor
Respectful
Organized
Professional

Its hard for me to find someone who I get along with as well. My current therapist is great. Its very important to me that the person I see is always on time, gives me notice if appointments need to be cancelled, sets up replacement therapists (at least for calls) if he is
going away, is understanding and yet gently pushes me to change. I also expect them to be supportive.