Triggering (Abuse) - Never Found

[Torah]

I can remember when I was real, real small,
How the shadows outside would always call,
Out to you, in the middle of the night,
After you tucked me in and said good night.

You would lock the doors and then drive away,
And I still don’t know where you went till this day,
Things were good while you were gone,
It’s when you came back, did they go wrong.

You would yank me out my bed and throw me to the floor,
If I didn’t scream loud enough you’d hit me once more,
You’d scream “Get up, you don’t deserve to live!”
And “I asked God for a miracle and what did he give?”

“A snot nosed brat, untalented at that!”
"Her eyes are too round, her face is too fat!”
You’d take my hair and pull me to my feet,
And slap me around till I swear I’d lose teeth.

Then out of the blue you would begin to cry,
And I would stare safely in the corner, wiping blood from my eye.
Then you’d say to me “Come here my child, don’t be afraid,
“Come here and let me see the damage I’ve made.”

I wouldn’t move, couldn’t move, paralyzed with fear.
And you’d say “Get your ass up and get over here!”
And I’d say “I can’t, I just can’t move no more.”
Then you’d drag me to my room and smash my hand in the door.

“Now get in that damn room and don’t make a sound!”
“Or I’ll put you where the bodies of children are never found!”

*here is another poem I wrote...it's untitled*

These drinks never cease what I feel,
When all this is becomes to much to be real,
Shot after shot bottle after bottle,
And the pain still hadn’t kicked to full throttle,
My Conscience worries and fusses all day,
And I ask myself why I do it but I have nothing to say,
I just give myself a look that even I don’t understand,
Even after I’ve ripped myself apart and crushed my heart in my hand,
Still I have the bottle super glued to my lips,
Forcing my soul to take continuous sips,
I don’t bother to stop till the darkness comes over me,
And even then I have to face the lie in front of me.