lost grip on reality

[Marko]

Im not going to get into details, basically I'm suffering some form of disasociative disorder, depersonalization has been mentioned.

For as long as I can remember I have had difficulty telling what was real from fantasy and dreams however things have taken a major turn for the worse, all resulting in a single event which I will not discuss.

Basically I now am finding myself questioning this one event and so many like it I have memory of but don't know if they are real or not. It's tearing me up, I no longer know not only what memories are real but in fact what I am capable of doing.

If this event happened and I have no reason to think it didn't then I really must question my entire life, if I'm capable o this then what am I not capable of and in fact how many of these memories I have considered made up are in fact real?

This isn't making sense.

I'm scared of myself, I don't know who I am or indeed who's life I am living. It just doesn't make any sense any more.

I don't know what to do or what to say so I'm hoping just typing what my mind is thinking will help!

Please help.

[klo_flo]

Hey Marko,

Your post sounds as confused as it seems your feeling and I completly appreciate that is not a nice position to be in. Is there a reason why you don't want to share the situation in question?

I haven't experienced what you're going through and therfore can't give any sort of anecdotal support but perhaps ask (hopefully not obviously) if there is anyone in your life that you know to be real, that you can talk through this even with - find out if it really did happen?

Hang on in there love,
Chloe x

[Stellata]

When do you see your counsellor/therapist next? I think you really need to tell them about this.

[Marko]

Just don't wish to discuss it.

I've seen the lads I was with at the time but when this happened they were all outside having a smoke so can't verify it.

I next see my councellor on Friday and yes I agree it is something I need to discuss with her, I should have brought it up last Friday but was mostly in a trance for the session, not fun.

I'm just so confused right now, how can something I think is real feel the exact same as things I don't think really happened? If they are not real why do I feel they are and if they are real why do they feel almost dream like memory wise?

I'm stuck between the two andcant tell where one starts and the other stops, it's like I'm losing sense of who I am and have lost sense of what's real.

****ing hate this.

[Stellata]

Although I've not experienced exactly the same, I know how it can feel confused and lost between two realities that can feel like one. I know how it can be when you're in a dissociated, blanked state.