Triggering (SI) - ,... heads or tales...

[~*Dare to Dream*~]

****.....
I wish sometimes you'd answer your phone
I wish sometimes you would send me an email
I wish sometimes you would send me a text
Sometimes its days before i hear from you
it worries me
why do i think its my fault
why do i blame myself
i wish you were more supportive
i wish you showed me you cared
i wish when i told you i saw "him" again you could have said something to make me feel better
but instead you said move over there
how does that ****ing help me?
how?
he hurt me more than anyone yet it feels like im being punished by you
i want to feel that release
at least my blade knows how i feel
at least it knows how much im hurting
im so close to that line
and you dont even know
would you even notice if i died tommorrow?
would you even care?
maybe you'll realise how much i needed you then
maybe you would have at least tried
maybe you'll decided to try then?
maybe you wouldnt even care
am i wasting my ****ing goddamned time?
am i doing this for ****ing shits and giggles?
why does it seem like your punishing me still
why do this to me?
i ****ing need you to realise i need you to care
im hurting so much
sat with this blade in my hand
itsso comforting holding it
i wish i could do it
why dont you give a ****??
im so good at hiding it now
i could hide it all from you
you were the person i could never hide it from
but ha i guess things change
you say you loe me
you say you care
show me before its too late
heads or tales whats it going to be
this coins going to choose my fate tonight

[katkinb]

thinking of you.
try and hold on.
could you try and distract yourself in any way?
k x

*hugs* even if this person isn't being caring, there's someone out there who will care for you. cutting really will make it worse. is there anything you could distract yourself with? hang in there. things will get better.

[Merc]

Oh, Ann I hate to see you back in this horrible place again. Look at all you have achieved. Don't throw it away, all those years 'free', of hard work.
Can you maybe write something for him, like what you posted?
Tell him, flat-out, that you feel you deserve (and want) more time and attention, support...a full relationship...
Pls put the blades away...you well know what hell you will end up in if you turn to it now.
You are strong enough to do this. You really, really are.
I'm sorry he is upsetting you so much.
You're a truly lovely person, who deserves to be treated as such.
Do you have anyone, psych/doc/etc, to talk to about htis?
Pls keep safe
love ya
xx

[Rain Keeper]

I hope the coin landed on its edge.

I hope you made it through. Please talk to someone. Let your mind be known.

I hope you are ok,
Rain

[~*Dare to Dream*~]

im ok...
i just dont know what to do
I didnt cut but damn i wanted to

Why does it seem like im two different people
why cant i just be one person the person i like not the person i dont
i thought i was getting over this

why am i blaming him - he's done nothing wrong
well he hasnt done anything at all but if i dont talk to him then how would he know?
he wouldnt
its unfair on him

i just feel so alone
so alone
so empty, so tired
i wish things would work themselves out

holding the blades scared me
i know what im capable of
i know how much damage i can do
i wanted it so much....

i dont know where im going with my life
i dont know what im doing
i hate being lost i need a direction
i need a goal

i need to do something because i feel im slipping backwards and i dont want to go there again

[katkinb]

Hey, you are doing so well, and the fact that you have reached out on here is great.
and well done for having the blades but then choosing not to use themm thats amazin!
You are not alone, there are people here who care for you and want to help.
My pm box is always open.
k x