Triggering (SI) - Feeling triggered

Foxeh · 13-11-2009, 04:37 PM

Just spent a whole day struggling to read through piles of paperwork that I found quite triggering for my uni placement.
Feel weary and rubbish and just want to curl up in bed and sleep.

I'm going out tonight to celebrate my birthday on Monday. Not even in the mood.
A few people have dropped out too - they can't even be bothered.

001100111 · 13-11-2009, 05:09 PM

Is there anyone you can be with today maybe? Get a break from everything?

Foxeh · 13-11-2009, 05:52 PM

Well I'm getting ready to go out now. Just not in the mood.

Want to SH but can't.

Foxeh · 13-11-2009, 05:57 PM

Wow. Another friend not coming tonight.

I feel selfish for feeling let down.

001100111 · 14-11-2009, 03:13 AM

there's nothing selfish about being disapointed

crazykat · 14-11-2009, 03:16 AM

*Hugs* It's not selfish to feel disappointed, its actually a pretty normal reaction. I know you don't feel like going out but hopefully it will help take your mind off things. Take care
Kat xxx

Foxeh · 14-11-2009, 12:48 PM

Thanks so much for your replies.

I did go out and I did enjoy myself up to a point. I managed to suck everything up and put on a good front, but as the night wore on it got harder.

My Boyfriend wanted to leave and asked if I fancied going home a little earlier, I said yes.
We were going to get a cab but when I started to get emotional, we decided to walk to give us a chance to talk.

By the end of the walk I was a complete mess.
I was sobbing and felt like I couldn't breathe.
He was great and helped me through it, talked to me about everything and listened to me go on. We shared a great deal of stuff we'd not shared before.
I felt terrible for putting it all on him. I kept apologising. I couldn't stop crying.

He told me that by opening up in this way brought us closer, and made it easier for him to support me. But I've never had someone be there for me like he is and I found it hard to handle.
I was okay in the end and he sat with me until I stopped crying.

I feel extremely delicate now...although I do feel a little better for getting it all out.

He agreed that I should go to my GP. Even said he'd come with me.

I hate depending on him like this. Its not fair. I'm frightened that he just feels obliged to be with me.

Defender Of The Faith · 14-11-2009, 01:06 PM

By the sound of it he cares about you a lot. I don't think it's that he feels obliges, I think he genuinely wants to be with you, and to help you. It's okay to need to depend on someone, at least for a while. Eventually you'll be able to not depend on him so much, and then you'll have something to feel really proud of yourself for. In fact, I think you have something to feel proud of yourself for already. I mean, you've lasted this long with out SI-ing. That's a great achievement. And if you're going to your GP then that's another thing to be proud of. A lot of people wouldn't be brave enough to do that. I know I can't. I think you're doing amazingly well. Just hang on in there, keep going, I know you can do it. :)

Foxeh · 14-11-2009, 03:48 PM

Thanks. It means a lot. :)
The urge to SI has passed for now, I think.

I just so scared to going to the GP.
I've written a kind of letter to give to him because I won't be able to explain properly otherwise.
Will he let Boyfriend sit in while I talk to him?

crazykat · 15-11-2009, 06:56 AM

Glad it has passed, well done for waiting it out. Good luck with your GP and yeah I see no reason why they shouldn't let your boyfriend stay *hugs*