Help!

[supersonic]

My mood has dropped so low I just don't know what to do with myself!
I've been off Sertraline for approx 3 weeks reducing slowly from 200mg per day. My poor husband only has to look at me and I feel complete and utter anger. I try and be really nice, but it must come across insincere.
I have participated in various types of self-harm in the recent past (mostly hitting hard objects and 2 overdoses) and I recognise these feelings I'm currently having and I'm really trying not too.
It feels like there is 2 of me...battle ensues...

[supersonic]

Well I almost lost then but I'm still here. Was searching for an alternative to my other self harm tricks and began to cut - newbie for me. Control came back - my therapist just happened to be available across the telephone. I guess I'm lucky.

[pugdog]

Hi, I dont really know the situation, but is there a way that you can get back on your medications? it seems like you are saying things are getting worse because you have gone off of them. Try to keep track of what your real feelings are, and the feelings you are getting because of the chemical changes going on in your body. You may feel anger for your husband, but he may be trying to help you and not know how. I don't know how the health care system works in the UK, but can you try to get in to see someone soon? I'm glad you were able to get a hold of your therapist on the phone, but sometimes a phone call or a slow internet forum isn't quite enough.
Try to hang in there, try to keep away from new and worse forms of SI, its harder to stop if you start.

-brian

[supersonic]

Thank you. I guess that was part of my problem last night - I contacted 2 of my friends but got no repsonse - I was needing an immediate response and didn't get it. That spurred me on.
In fact, I spoke to a friend today who said maybe I should consider taking a small amount if my meds to take the edge off...

[supersonic]

Well, after another huge mood drop I'd had enough. I still have my meds so I've taken 25mg of Sertraline as I just can't do this.
I was so frustrated I moved my lounge around in the vain hope it would relieve some of my pent-up aggression. I think its worked...gonna take at least 24 hrs before I feel the effect of the meds. Frighteningly, I think its the idea of not taking something that has also been bringing me down...worries me that so much if this trauma is in my head. Can anyone offer any advice?

[katkinb]

Hi, unfortunatley I have no words at the moment, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone.
Could you talk to your gp about how your are feeling now your meds are being reduced?
Is there anyone other than your husband that you have there for support?
Try to be kind to yourself.
k x

[supersonic]

Thank you for your kind words. I'm loathed to go to my GP as I can never get to see the same one...and the one I've seen a couple of times I don't trust with 'my stuff' (if you see what I mean?)
I'm lucky. I'm in therapy (and have been for the last 5 and a bit years) with a lovely lady who has held me through this nightmare journey. Other than her, there is not really anyone who I trust with all this ***** in my head.

[katkinb]

my pm box is always open if you need to chat.
take care.
kat x

[supersonic]

Thanks Kat. In fact it is 50mg that I'm taking daily. It took a good 48 hours before I really felt the effects. Everything has lifted and I'm certainly not where I was previously and the nasty thoughts have gone away.
Trying to get an appointment with my GP. Not an ideal situation as I was trying to get off them completely. It seems I cannot maintain a 'normal' balance without some medical invention - I'm just gonna have to accept that.
Thanks again.

[katkinb]

glad to hear that your mood has lifted a little.
you must remember that its ok to admit that sometimes you need some help, be it medication, counselling, a hug whatever, you are only human...
keep trying eh!
the most difficult thing in the world is to understand what "normal" actally is.
kat x