Where to start. I don't really know where this is going but need advice/help some other veiw point other than my own and people to talk to basically.
Firstly, Theres the whole boyfriend issues those that dont know, im with guy who lives on the isle of man, i live near milton keynes, long distance and quite expensive to see each other its not as if i can see him every weekend or anything. We've been best mates for years and we have helped each other deal with self harm issues and so on. We got together in a relationship last year when he moved over to stoke, i left over the winter to work in austria for the ski season and upon my return i broke up with him. We ended up getting back together and now I pretty much put all the effort into this relationship i text him, phone him go and see him and ill be suprised if i get one text off him i a month let alone anything else.. I Decided to go and see him for my birthday thinking this would have been the best option.. after a long days travelling to get to him i asked him if he was going to meet me off the bus and he said he had his mates round so i should just walk to his house. Fair enough.... its a ten minute walk so its not a drama but it would have been nice for him to meet me off the bus and walk me back to his house but no problem i'll deal with that - the fact that he see's his mates whenever he wants and he gets to see me for a couple of days every other month or some **** its not alot to ask to meet me off the bus - but no his mates seem more important than me as with getting stoned seems more important to me.
So arrived at his flat and got in was fine, my birthday the next day - he turns around and apologises because he hasnt got me a present or a card. Fair enough you've got no money. I can deal with the fact he has no money but at least he could have made me something that looked like a card or something but no nothing. A bit of a disappointment really but its what i expect. At least we went and saw the fireworks. Its not that i want the most expensive things for my birthday i just wanted him to show me that he at least has thought about me and cares.
This time of year always brings back bad memories from hopsitalising myself and all that is associated with that, the self harm, the sexual abuse and so on and i always try and enjoy my birthday now because im still alive if plans went the way i wanted to then i wouldnt be here today. Which at the moment i wish i had suceeded - but thats another thing. But seeing as i am here i want to celebrate the fact that im here and it just seemed like a huge dissapointment, he'll spend his money on weed, yet didnt even get me a card. I guess im just asking too much.
As you can imagine having some sort of "sex" life in a long distance relationship is hard, and its hard because of my issues as well. Considering my boyfriend knows everything ive been through i dont seem to have the ability to communicate with him now about things that i need to. I dont know if its just my boyfriend or what but i just find the sex weird, uncomfortable and just get bored. But I dont know if thats my issues or what but me and sex is weird anyway i dont seem to enjoy it with guys i dont like being penetrated i find it just an awkward situation most of the time, its not as if ive helped myself either even after the sexual abuse/rape i "slept" around because i thought thats what i deserved to be used.... but anyway recently more and more im starting to think im bi/lesbian ive been with girls and enjoyed it but i dont know.. thats another issue..
Back to the boyfriend.. theres just things that annoy me about him, he's a bitof a push over, if ive gone to bed before him when he gets in he ends up getting in and lieing on the egde of the bed and if im still half asleep ill move over or whatever but then he's like wisper " i love you beautiful, good night sweetdreams" but it seems as if hes saying it just because it doesnt seem like he actually means it. He wont make any attempt to like snuggle up to me or anything like that he'll literally get in as close to the edge of the bed and say it.
I applyed for a job and didnt get it, would have been an amazing oppourtunity and i would have been on a pretty decent salary as well. I was gutted about it and when i finally after several attempts tried to phone my boyfriend in hope that he'd make me feel better and he turned around as was pretty happy i didnt get the job because it would have ment i would have been able to afford to move out my parents house and so on which i think in his mind would have prevented us from seeing each other, well lets face it i put in all the effort anyway so it doesnt matter to me what job i have. probably would have made it easier for me to see him. that really upset me. And then i find out that he has sort of plans to move in with one of his mates once his lease is up on his flat. which hurts as well because its as if he can do what he wants and i cant do anything.
I dont know. I Guess I would just like some advice other peoples views because at this moment in time i dont see the point in this relationship were having, because it really doesnt seem worth it.
He doesn't seem to really care for you. You deserve to be treated better. *hugs* sorry don't have much else to say, but i agree, much of what he has done is way out of line.
Really sorry, the guy sounds a total ignorant *$*$*$* you are worth so much more than how he treats you. really not much to add, just well out of order.
Well, some of these things could be put down to guy/girl differences.. if there were about a tenth as many of them!
It's no fun making all the effort in a relationship, and that's what you seem to be doing. Does he really want to be in a relationship with you? Doesn't really seem that way.
As a guy I am just shaking my head! No money or not, how are you not going to have something for your birthday? I can think of a million things that are free! This is for anyone reading, if you have someone in your life that you love. Show them! Make there day.
I agree kick him to the curb girlfriend! Hmmm, mmm. Sorry about that. lol
Seriously bye-bye dude, enjoy living with your mates. You do deserve better!
were still together at the moment.. But i dont know how long for.
We had quite a horrible conversation and it turns out he is still punishing me for hurting him, yet he didnt realise how much he was hurting me because of it.. god the conversation was so ****ed up i dont know where to start..
He's stopped me from cutting in the past, stopped me making attempts to end my life.. I do *really* care about him and what we used to have but with the distance and feeling like im being punished i dont know how much of this i can take anymore
he cant get over the fact i "slept" with someone after i broke up with him, he gets "physically sick at the thought" (thats his words) we werent even together.
I just feel so helpless at the moment, i saved his life stopped him cutting as well in the past but at the moment in just questioning everything i dont know if im even making sense right now!
Sounds more like he is making excuses for the way he is treating you. You weren't together so he can't use anything you did during your time apart against you. Fair enough it might have upset him but thats his issues not yours.
I really think you need to end it before you end up getting more hurt by him.
Mrs Sam, top comment. He is trying to switch blame away from him onto you, do not fall for it. I guess if anyone thinks about someone their partner has slept with, its not always nice, but if its not when you were together and you havent cheated on him, or vice versa, then sorry boyfriend he will have to deal with it.
Whether he was hurt over the incident or not, you were not together, and he should deal with his own issues and not make you feel bad about it. Its hard when you have such a history together- but right now is the time to focus on the future. You may have helped each other in the past but now he seems to be making you feel worse instead of better.
If I were you I'd leave him, but its your relationship so you have to do whats best for yourself. If he's making no effort and making you feel bad for something you shouldnt then he's either lacking interest or not mature enough. He should be making every effort to see you and make you feel better.
Anyway- just sit and think about yourself right now. What's best for you. Cos really you deserve the best, someone who'll take care of you and do everything to make you smile. He may have done this in the past but he's not doing it now- so really think whats best for YOU in the future
