I know that I have to stop. For the people around me, if nothing else. But I can't. I don't want to. And that scares me. What kind of person WANTS to keep hurting themselves? WANTS to kill themselves? I want to want to stop... If that makes sense... But I can't...
A lot of things... School... My ex, who is also my best friend... It's complicated... The lack of control... The way everything is so, so hard... I can't see the point anymore... I want to end it all... It's so, so hard... But I can't... I've gotta keep going... For them...
It makes total sense to want to want to stop, I think most people do. How long before you finish your schooling? A lot of things can change when you finish school - I'm only nineteen, but my life now, and certainly my outlook, are a LOT different from when I was at school. The outside world is scarier, but a lot nicer than the four walls of a secondary school classroom.
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.
About 6 months. I'm not ready for it to stop though. I mean... After that, there's uni and stuff... And moving out... But... At the moment... It's all too much... And it's never gonna get better... My mum tells me I just gotta get over it cos it's all downhill from here... How could I possibly cope when I can't cope now?
It'd be so easy just to... End it... Just to kill myself... Get it over with...
It's not all downhill from here, trust me. Things will get better - uni is a great experience, no one gives a **** who you were in high school. You'll get older as well and things will become easier to deal with through experience. How old are you now? There were times when I was like sixteen and I just thought, 'how am I going to get through this?' but you do get through them, and it makes you a stronger person. In time, your ex will be just someone you fell in love with, school will just be a memory. Don't stop your time before it's up, there's so much more to life than you've experienced so far =)
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.
I totally realate..its like when you feel ill/sad/bad whatever, you hate it and wish it was gone but when it starts to fade away you want it all back. Hugs to you
Meg
x
I'm seventeen. I have to apply to uni by tomorrow, and I'm still not sure I want to go... My ex is also my best friend, my parents don't trust me from the last time I tried to kill myself, I can't handle school, I can't find a job, and I can't take this one step at a time because the other stuff won't leave me alone long enough... I'm tired and scared and I can't keep going... I had a bad day yesterday and ended up cutting... My best friend's going to find out today, and then she's going to be really dissapointed... I couldn't even last a week... I deserve for her to be dissapointed... I'm dissapointed... I mean... How hard could one f*****g week be?
One week is hard, I get it I really do and hey I am here If you need me. I may not be able to make everything in your life better but I may be able to help you with some of your problems since I am having them to.
Never give up and keep fighting.
Never stop
I am here for you
Starting to fall again. How far is the ground this time. I hope he is there to catch me this time. Cause if I hit the ground I will break.
Thanks. I'm feeling a little better now. My best friend doesn't hate me for it, just... She's a little dissapointed, but says she's proud of me for managing 6 days... And to aim for 7 next time... Still worried about seeing my councillor, but... I guess I can worry about that closer to the time...
Thanks again...
xx
Your best friend sounds like a really good person to have around. Especially seeing as she's being positive and aiming for seven days next time, but not being unreasonable and asking you to stop, full stop.
My advice would be to just apply to uni anyway, you can always withdraw your application when the time comes to go, at least this way if you decide to go you won't have to worry about having not applied =)
Don't worry about not finding a job, we're in a recession! :p Keep looking and handing out CVs, something will come along =)
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.
Thanks. Yeah, she really is a great person. I know she's doing everything she possibly can to help me. I also know that I haven't really been showing her just how much I appreciate what she's been doing, cos I've been a little... Preoccupied... And... I just don't really know how to say thank you... It's like nothing I say or do will ever even come close to covering it... She's done so, so much...
With the job thing, I'm begining to run out of places to hand in CVs... I guess I'm kinda giving up. And with the uni thing, I'm gonna apply, and if I don't think I'm ready when (IF) I get any offers, I can always say no.
Thank you so, so much, you've been a great help.
xx
She probably already knows how grateful you are =) I've handed a LOT of CVs out and not had much luck, so try not to worry about that too much =) It's good that you're applying to uni, it leaves your doors open. Let me know how things get on, you can message me 24/7 if you need to talk. Or anything =)
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.
Is that the £15 UCAS fee or whatever it is? When I got accepted and decided which uni I was going to, HSBC reimbursed me for it because I opened a student account with them =) I was really skint at the time, so it was very exciting :p
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.
Yeah, but it's gone up to £19 now... I can't honestly say that I'm expecting to be accepted anywhere... I've lost interest in school, so my grades have really been slipping... Still... I guess that would solve the whole not being ready for it thing...
It would still be nice to have the choice though...
I know what you mean, I'm really starting to not be interested in my course (I'm realising what I should have realised about four years ago) and because of that my work is suffering because I don't care about it. Is there anything else you're interested in? What course have you applied for?
p.s. which unis are you applying to?
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.
I've applied for zoology, so I'm hoping it'll be more interesting that what I'm doing at the moment. There's only so much I can listen to about the kidney... I like animals, so it could work out... If I can get the grades. I'm applying to Reading, Glasgow, Cardiff, Queen Mary and Bristol. Hope I at least get the choice of going to uni. :)
I got a job, by the way... It has crap pay, it's time consuming, and I'm not sure it's entirely legal, but it's a little bit more money...
It's only delivering leaflets and stuff, and I get 10% of the orders I take... My mum gets the other 10% because she's helping, and I have to do the job in her name... Still... Could work out :)
Ooh, that sounds ace! One of my friends goes to Glasgow and she loves it, hope it works out for you =) the job sounds thrilling... :p When I first started I was on £3 an hour, still not sure that was entirely legal but you know, we've got to take what we can get! It's good that you've got one though, well done =)
We're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.
