*snuggles*
try and make sure that you arent left alone.
i understand the urge is so difficult.
the obsession.
but you are here.
you are asking for help.
thats a starting point.
im sorry i cant be helpful.
im all over the place.
much love.
xx
FRainy, like i said in the email...i'm out a bit today (if i can make myslef go that is) but home the rest...come on MSN if you can.
I know how overwhelming the desire can get. Mine has slowed a bit, it is still everyday, but not every moment. It WILL go away....but its so goddamned hard waiting for it to.
luv ya sunshine
romp
Sorry APple, I couldnt get back on. Romp....I went to masn and no one. thats fine...
*******UPDATE*******
I saw my counsellor today. I cried. I told her my intention. I told her I couldnt do it before because I had made the promise not to weeks ago.
I told her my plan with the gang.
I told her my plan to cut. I couldnt promise not to.
I cried real tears. I havent done that in ages.
I wanted to stay. I wanted to scream.
I said alot of things. Some I regret, but they needed to come out.
I still feel the urge. I have made the plan.
SHe gave me HER number to call before I did anything. I couldnt promise, but i said I would IF i go through. I trust her.
I am so low in life right now. Everything should be ok. I should be ok, and yet this plan of attack on self--is timed.
do you ever plan on cutting? do you go fast or slow? do you impulse cut?
I feel even more (crazy, sicko, strange) whatever for planning it out, strategizing the whole ordeal.
the last time i did this, it was 18 stitches. 1 year ago the week before thanksgiving.
I am that strong or more so now.
Why am i so messed up?
why cant i just be the mom and wife, and be happy?
BECAUSE I DONT KNOW WHO I AM.
please, I am begging, i know i am not alone. help me.
oh Rainy...
youre right, youre NOT alone.
im more of an impulse person when it comes to cutting.
but i have been in situations where i couldnt harm...and i remember WAITING until i got someplace where i could.
im glad you were able to tell your counselor about this.
i had an agreement where i would call my psych BEFORE i cut. the deal was i had to at least call him when the urge became unbearable. AFTER talking to him, if the urge was still unbearable then i would harm.
i know how hard it is. and im sorry.
i would tell you about distractions but you already know them.
all i can really do is tell you im here and ive been where you are, and you CAN get through it. i have faith that you can.
please take care.
much love.
xx
good for you for telling her...that would have been so damned hard, but you'rwe right it HAD to come out. I'm so glad you have someone you can trust. Pls TRY to call her before, what have yougot to lose right?? I htink it will help, i really do.
I think i have the msn fixed now *kicks computer*.
So, so sorry i wasnt there when you needed....
As to the impulse/planning, you are NOT alone..i've done both ways over all the years. And , yes, it made me feel the same way as you do right now....not a nice feeling.
you're not on msn right now, but im here all day and night...will watch for you
pls keep safe FRainy, pls...come talk to me ...
love you girl
romp
