Triggering (SI/OD) - No Idea What Is Happening. [hospitalisation]

MissFit · 05-11-2009, 04:11 PM

Sunday I took an overdose. I saw the crisis team at the hospital, who said that I was showing signs of depression, and they made me an appt to see the consultant on Tuesday. I saw the consultant, "talked" about my history, the SH, the low esteem/confidence/general lust for life.

One question I was asked was "what's most important to you in your life?" and I couldn't think of anything. Even when they asked me about what would i save if the house was burning down, all I could think about was staying in the middle of the flames.

They've but me on a weeks worth of Zopiclone 7.5 and counselling...I dont feel safe to be at home and last night I just totally utterly broke. It was like something inside of me snapped and I just gave up. I didn't want to go home because I didn't feel safe but was made to take a sleeping tablet and go home. I slept on the sofa. The GP came around today and is concerned that I've been let home whilst still feeling so resolutely ****. I said that the consultants had made me feel like a fraud and had just written me off - like everyone else does. He's ringing the crisis team again and I think they're calling me?

Last night when I was in my state I mentioned about going to the Sycamores [the unit] because I just didn't feel safe and wherever they took me I'd keep trying. But today I don't know. They said about a voluntary hospitalization, and it scares me. I don't know. I mean, yes, it would help and at least I'd be reasonably safe even for a short period of time. It's just like there's always something here that reminds me of something that I just can't deal with - I can't get away from it all. At the end of the day, yes, the sleeping tablets are wonderful but I still have to wake up to the same **** and feelings. I don't know what to do.

hellohefalump · 05-11-2009, 04:17 PM

I've had very severe depression before, and to be honest, when I got hospitalised, it was a relief! I felt like I was 'sick enough' to just let go of all the stressful things in my life and just go to bed. Gradually (I was there 7 months!) my head started to clear, and I felt more capeable of dealing with things.

It's alright to feel not able to deal with things when you're depressed - it's part of the illness.

Sarika · 06-11-2009, 05:35 PM

I know you are saying you need a break and that might happen but you also have to deal with all your feelings and the why of what's causing it...and this happens while your hospitalized. I don't know how it works where you live but where I live the stay is realitively short, as short as possible to be honest. Typically it's no longer than 2 weeks unless you are in a severe state (such as severely disconnected from reality as in a psychotic state) - although the stay length is influenced by the insurance companies over here. You'll be put on medication to ease the symptoms and then you'll be in therapy, like I said before, to work through what's causing the symptoms. It's an intense thing to go through. There are many restrictions as to what you can/cannot do - and honestly the enviroment can be dull. Some people find it too restrictive and it can make them worse. Just remember you'll get that break from reality but you do have to 'return to the world' at some point. I think you need to discuss this further with your team and weigh out the pro's and con's of going into the hospital. One point is obvious - if you are a severe danger to yourself you need to go before you do something if you go after then you'll have no say as to your treatment as you'll be said to be 'unable to make rational decisions'. I wish you luck with whatever you choose.