Originally Posted by
Stellata
Thank you.
I'm so alone in my life I don't know how to start changing it.
I have things I want to do. [Join a writing group, for example]. But it all feels so false. Don't ordinary people develop friendships naturally? I just seem to push everyone away. My therapist is encouraging me to look at my past friendships. And she says I would make a very good friend. It just all feels so.. painful. And I don't even know if my past friendships have indeed been friendships. It seems all I've ever done is take, and it feels so awkward to give, and what do I have to give?
I don't know. Who are ordinary people?
I know it can feel false to try and make friends. I know this. When I started university last year, the idea of going up to people and trying to be their friend seemed too difficult to me and I simply gave up and shut down and didn't make a single friend.
But to be honest, the only way to make friend is to go out there and meet people. I don't know how to make friends 'naturally', and I don't know how to do that. I think the only way to make friends is to do things that lead to meeting people.
I think a writing group sounds like a fantastic idea. I think exploring your interests is a great way of meeting people. When I did a photography class in my teens I met a lot of great people and we had a lot to talk about because we were interested in the same things.
Now, as an adult, I don't have many friends. But the people I am closest to I get along with because we have similar interests and because we have met through those interests. I can't think of a way to find friends without some effort, and going to classes of things you enjoy is a great way to start. Because even if you don't meet friends at these things, you will still have a good time because there's value in going to a class or a group in itself. And it makes it easier to make friends, because if you do meet people, you'll automatically have something in common.
I know it's really hard to put yourself out there to try and meet people. But it (and the internet) are some of the only ways I can think of to meet people.
I highly doubt all your have done in the past is take, and I feel certain that you have a lot to give. And you must think of the value for yourself of having friends too. It is a good idea to think about past friendships, but they don't have too inform your present ones: even if they did not go well or if they ended badly, it doesn't mean a present friendship has to follow the same pattern.
It may seem like a lot of people already have friends, but that doesn't mean they don't want to make new friends, and I think you would be a wonderful friend for anyone you chose to befriend. I know the whole prospect must seem daunting (it does for me too), but I think in the end it is very worthwhile, not because it is expected that people have friends, but because the sharing of thoughts and ideas are one of the things that often make people happy. And that goes both ways: you can make a friend happy, and they can make you happy.
