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*pssibly triggering* Relpased
I relapsed after nearing 6 months. October was when my SI first started 3 years ago. I don't know if it was a subconscious thing but it happened. This was Monday I have since been dissociated without a break of it. I feel like I am in a dream, nothing matters because I can just wake up (ie there are no consequences to my actions). I SI to relieve the stress but because of the dissociation I don't accept the fact that it's bad or wrong. I mean, I know it is but I feel like it isn't and feelings are definately more powerful then knowledge.
Interesting enough this came after last Friday when I met with my therapist and we discussed my issues with physical contact/affection and we talked about...I will call it the "a word" (connect the 'a' with touch/contact and the digust about it). Anyway that's when I dissociated and she had to stop talking because she could tell that something was wrong.
The conversation had been on my mind since then and it defeinately contributed to the stress I felt on Monday. But anyway, I just need some advice as to how to stop this dissociative state because I don't think that I will stop until I re-connect with reality.
I don't see my therapist for another 1.5 weeks. I am tempted to call and set up an appointment but even though I'm 19 my parents still pay the bill and I haven't managed to break the news. It would break their hearts to find out that I relapsed...yet I need some sort of support right now...it's a really difficult situation that I'm in. I'm lost/confused as what to do.
Alright thanks for reading, I appreciate it.
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