Triggering (Substance Abuse) - ***ED TRIG ALSO*** Sorry

ThinkingofRecovery · 26-10-2009, 02:57 AM

Gosh, I can't believe I am wasting people's time here.

I use alcohol as a method to escape, a way to stop myself from harming as severely, as a way to just let things no longer be so ****.

I told my sister last week that I would give it up so that I could lose some weight (I have put on quite a bit due to binging food and alcohol, and also APs).

I haven't managed a week. If there was more alcohol I would have it.

I need to get wasted.

I'm not an alcoholic, I don't drink every day but I need it to help right now. Sorry, not sure what the point in my post is.

Sorry
xxx

Stellata · 26-10-2009, 08:35 AM

What is it that you're trying to escape from?

ThinkingofRecovery · 26-10-2009, 10:59 AM

I need to escape from my head - so many things in it, too many to even grasp hold of.

Pathetic, I know.

Stellata · 26-10-2009, 04:29 PM

Feeling overwhelmed isn't pathetic.

First step is to start discovering all those things in your mind, and slowing down some. That can really help. Takes time and practice, but is possible.

Merc · 26-10-2009, 05:32 PM

No advice Carrie, sorry. I'm in the same place.
Just nice to shut it all up for awhile.
Sorry I can't help at all.
xxx

ThinkingofRecovery · 26-10-2009, 07:35 PM

Thanks Katie, it seems impossible though right now, I don't suppose you have any ideas how? I have tried writing it down before but sometimes that makes things worse.

Thanks Romp :)

Sigma · 26-10-2009, 08:11 PM

yep, a crap sort of anasthetic but at least it works a bit in the short-term

fireysnow · 27-10-2009, 12:41 AM

ive have a drug n alcohol problem, i was clean for 4 years until a few months, perhaps you could try alcoholics/narcotics anonymous.it really helped me, people are there for you and they understand

consequential · 27-10-2009, 05:18 AM

There is no one I dont know that doesnt go out and drink to froget once in a while.
PPl have so much going on that they need to escape and alcohol is too readily available.Maybe if you could limit it to wkends .I find that if Im busy I dont drink as much.

ThinkingofRecovery · 30-10-2009, 04:55 PM

I don't think I am at the AA Stage.

Reallifetime, thanks for the reminder, it can sometimes seem as though we over-analyse everything and find the abnormal in the normal, however, my drinking gets me into trouble - I take risks etc.

I haven't had a drink since Sunday night. I have been so flat the past few weeks, I am tempted to drink just to see if I can feel momentarily happy.

ThinkingofRecovery · 31-10-2009, 02:37 AM

I'm going to use some of my housemate's beer despite promising her I wouldn't.

I am a disgusting, fat, liar.

Maybe I do have a problem.

Merc · 31-10-2009, 10:29 PM

I still have no advice, I'm sorry. Just want you to know you aren't alone in this.
You should be proud you didnt drink since sunday! I know how very hard that can be.
Last night I realized I do need to go back to detox...but I simply can't right now. Be gone for a month?!
There's no way it can work.
Maybe in the new year...
wish i was stronger, i really do.

ThinkingofRecovery · 04-11-2009, 01:20 AM

I've just nicked some of my housemate's rum and prob will end up having more despite hating the taste.

I am a disgraceful excuse for a human being.

HarryMonk · 06-11-2009, 07:12 PM

Don't put yourself down! An addiction is a compulsion - I know only too well.

But feelings of hopelessness & helplessness do not make you a bad person!!!

Speak to your GP - can be embarassing to contemplate, but to my own suprise they will be only too willing to put you in touch with a counsellor or someone who can def help. I have totally shied away from AA type stuff but the doc has put me on with a 1-1 counsellor who is fantastic just to talk to & get stuff off your chest.

Plus give you a different more healthy perspective on stuff. Like self-esteem!

I have none, but after a few weeks talkin to this magic lady am pretty sure I will feel different. And so can you.

Take care, your friend Harry Monk x

ThinkingofRecovery · 06-11-2009, 07:14 PM

Thanks, I attend a 1 day a week therapeutic community and so they know about my drinking. My mh team aren't really bothered about my drinking except the times when I go out late at night whilst wasted and pass out. If they don't think my drinking isn't a problem, maybe I shouldn't. I am drinking far less now than I was even just a month ago.

ThinkingofRecovery · 11-11-2009, 05:44 PM

I managed to resist drinking yesterday b/c when I do after the day at my TC it tends to get crazy.

I was feeling jittery and hyper earlier today but now flat again. I need to drink to feel something else. Some excitement or even upset.

Sorry that doesn't really make sense.

ThinkingofRecovery · 11-11-2009, 08:08 PM

I've got 4 cans of Strongbow in and that is all I am allowed.

I don't want to give up alcohol but need to learn when to stop. So here goes, hopefully I manage tonight without buying more and especially without nicking some of my housemate's stock.

Fingers crossed.

Zedebee · 11-11-2009, 09:01 PM

It actually does make sense to me. Well done for resisting yesterday =)
I have the same problem of not knowing when to stop so I hope you can manage it tonight. It may be a long shot but maybe think of how proud you'll be of yourself in the morning? And how you'll feel physically better. Maybe have a nice bath or something.

ThinkingofRecovery · 11-11-2009, 09:03 PM

Thanks for the encouragement!

I think the most important reason for controlling it tonight is to help prove to my housemate that I do consider her feelings important and that she can trust me.

Here goes :)

Zedebee · 11-11-2009, 09:06 PM

That's a better incentive than none =)

Good luck!