Sick of myself

[Yan-yan]

My moods change alot but when they do its like a personality change.
I go through phases where I'm happy and okay and when i always think i'm wright if that makes sense. But when this phase is finished the next phase is hating myself for things I say and do.

For example;
During Phase one - I talk alot! I never shut up.
-I am quite controling
- I sometimes act really weird and laugh at myself. When I do this people often tell me I need to calm down.
-I don't listen to anyone and find it difficult to accept anyones opinion if its different to mine.
-I get really really angry and upset if people annoy me in the slightest. At the time the thiings there doing seem terrible when there not really doing anything.

It isn't all bad because during this time i feel okay, happy (for the most part and motavated.

During phase two - I basically hate myself because of the things I do in phase one.
- I think omg why do you act like such an idiot. I get really depressed about it.
-I get extreamly paronoid

I would go into more detail but don't want to bore you.

I have been in this cycle for just over a year now sometimes its worse then other times if that makes sense. Sometimes its just not as intense. I find it really hard to control.


Does anyone else do this? How do you keep control of yourself?

[Chloe.]

*hugs*
I'm sorry, hun.
I go through something similar, but not the exact same.
Is there anyone you can talk to about this?
Maybe your doctor? x

[Yan-yan]

Thanks.

Yeh I seen my doctor before and she refered me to a mental health center thing. But then I thought I was okay and refused the help. When I wasn't okay. I can't trust myself to do what I want to do. If that makes sense I change my mind so ofter.

[Chloe.]

That makes sense.
Just remember that they can help you.

[Stellata]

Seems to me like you're feeling really insecure. Controlling behaviour can come from that, and also if you've been excessively controlled by others - it's like a defence. It can also come from anxiety.
I understand how it can so easily spiral into self hatred.
The paranoia can also come from insecurity - there's a kind of paranoia that is a result of severe anxiety.

You're welcome to talk about this in more detail if you feel that would help. I'm willing to listen and do my best to understand and help.

[roiben]

I understand how hard it can be to see the Drs and the cmht for treatment or assessment, especially if your mood shifts between stages.

However, looking at it, having taken that step back - I think you know it is a good idea to speak to them. Maybe you need someone with you, or to ensure you go. Or, if you think you are okay maybe phone them up and ask if you can change the date of the appointment - as they will know from the sound of your voice if they need to see you that say and may be able to persuade you to go and speak with them.

I hope you get the help you need soon *hugs*
Roiben x

[Yan-yan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stellata

Seems to me like you're feeling really insecure. Controlling behaviour can come from that, and also if you've been excessively controlled by others - it's like a defence. It can also come from anxiety.
I understand how it can so easily spiral into self hatred.
The paranoia can also come from insecurity - there's a kind of paranoia that is a result of severe anxiety.

^^^This makes so much sense.^^^


Thanks everyone you've really helped.