stick a fake smile on me...kinda rambly.

[cryingcrimson]

So, I know I’ve posted on here way to much lately, but please bear with me. My mom has informed me that the chances for finding my cat alive, are pretty much gone. I can’t go home to try and find him, I have to stay at school, and wait till thanksgiving to look/mourn for him. This cat has made my life livable. And now, it would appear I have lost him and I can’t deal with it. I lost my golden retriever almost 4 years ago, and I’m still not over her. I don’t know who to express this pain to, because when I start to think about talking to someone it sounds so trivial and whiny. So I’ve pretty much cut off contact with most people around me. I have some other things going on, but at this point I don’t feel like going into details. So, the people I do have to deal with I stick a smile on, when all I want to do is cry. Sheesh. I’m a mess. I almost bought cigarettes yesterday, but one of my friends who I had asked “if I smoked how irritated would you be with me” one of them said not to even tell him cause he would be so pissed, another said they wouldn’t judge me, but would be sad, one said they would be irritated—but followed it with some encouragement…but the one that made the most impact on me told me that she would be sad FOR me, because I’m quitting for ME and I would have to start all over again and my hardwork would be for nothing. And I realized how true that was. Of course yesterday morning I wasn’t looking for anything but someone to ask me “what’s going on to make you feel like you need to smoke again” or a “are you ok?” nothing. But what I got helped me. Anyway, I guess I’m just looking for support, a hug, a “it’ll get better” or something. And the fact my brain won’t shut off makes sleep difficult. I got 4 hours of sleep last night. 1-5, woke up couldn’t go back to sleep, not that I really wanted to. I’m sorry I’m rambling, it wasn’t supposed to be this long. Oy. Thanks for reading everyone.

[afraidtogetbackup]

i'm sorry about your dog and cat. I know what you feel. in april my cat died. he was 19 years old and i'm 16 so he has always been a part of my life. When i would be really sad and just about to cut myself i would hear his meow and sometimes when he was feeling up to it he would make the journey up the stairs to be where i was. somehow he always seemed to know when i needed him. There were a couple of times that i was feeling so low i was contemplating killing myself but then i would hear snickers and would pet him and somehow he was able to make me feel better. i still miss him so much and i almost cry everytime i think about him. even though he was really old he made the effort to go up the stairs to sleep in my bed until the point where he couldn't anymore and he would come to the door to great me when i got home. I miss him so much and always will. i'm sorry you can't go look for him. that really sucks. you can message me anytime. i'll be here and i won't judge you. take care and i hope everything works out for you. <3

I'm sorry about your cat. Don't minimalize how you feel about that. It's ok to feel very sad about a cat being hurt/killed. Pets mean a lot. It's totally ok for you to grieve over your cat. You said you go to school. Do they have any school counseling? Maybe that would help you. Also for sleep, you could try OTC sleep medications. Lack of sleep will always make your mental health much worse. *hugs*