Triggering (SI/Suicide) - struggling

minnie · 19-10-2009, 02:22 PM

Hi

I am struggling at the moment because of the voices and depression that I am supposed to have. I do hear voices but I dont think I am depressed, I am on citalpram anti d's but I dont think I am getting any benefit from it. I am on depixol injections for the voices and although it has helped quieten the voices down I want them gone.
I am 37 years old and I feel lonely all the time, I feel so alone all the time.
I want to si so bad that it makes me feel better but scared of the mh finding out that I want to si again. I woke up this morning with a bad headache and I took 2 tablets for it and I wanted to take the lot cos I am so suicidal at this moment....I am hoping that I dont do it.
The problem is I feel okay, I dont feel depressed I just want someone to talk to, I rang my cpn but shes not in the office, so I guess I will have to try and speak to someone else. Does anyone else feel the way I do?

one_step_closer · 19-10-2009, 03:59 PM

I'm sorry that things are so difficult for you right now, is there anyone in your family or friends that you can talk to? Have you spoken to your doctor or CPN about feeling that you are not depressed? You are the expert on how you feel. There are other treatments that you can try if you aren't benefiting from what you are taking now. What is it about SI that makes you feel better? How else could you safely get that feeling? If you are worried that you will overdose on the tablets please get rid of them. It sounds as if you want to be safe but are concerned that you might not be.

Who else can you speak to other than your CPN? We are all here for you. Take care and get in touch at any time.

minnie · 19-10-2009, 10:23 PM

thankyou for your reply

I dont really have anyone else to talk to without them telling someone else. I si because the voices to shut the voices up.

I will try again tomorrow to ring my cpn again if not I will ring my social worker.

Thanks again
x

Merc · 20-10-2009, 08:32 AM

Did you manage to get hold of your CPN? Social worker?
I hope you have spoken to one of them at least.
I kind of understand what you mean, about wanting to SI but not being depressed...but I think, 'realistically', when we feel this way, we are actually 'depressed'.
Because, happy, so-called 'normal' ppl don't feel the urge to hurt themselves, right?
Or have I misunderstood, and it is solely the voices that are causing you to want to harm?
I know ho wterrifying and demanding voices/commands can be...but I remember being told that they are just voices, they are NOT real, and that only I give them the power to hurt me.
Which I know is so much easier to realize when they are not screaming in your head.
Has your doc suggested another med to try? Would you be willing to try it? I klnow it sucks, suffering thru SE's, especially if the med ends up useless for you, but you just never know. It potentially could be the right one. What is there to lose?
Could your CPN and/or SW put some more support in place? As in some sort of 'talking' therapy?
Would you be willing to try?
Pls don't be afraid to push for help, the help you need AND deserve.
No one should have to live this way.
Let us know ok?
Thinking of you

(ETA: as one step closer said: you know yourself best. If you feel you need more support with other issues, aside from depression, pls let them know this. Even if you need to write a letter..or even print your post out.)