Triggering (Suicide) - Depression: where does the pain come from?
I have depression, or at least I am pretty sure I do. I have tried a bit of therapy in the past, but no one would take me seriously, and my parents won't either, that road was closed a long time ago. I want to get better, I want to feel alright again, feel the zest for life that I have missed for so long. So, I have been doing a lot of research and have been trying to figure out what I can do, and it has made me wonder.
I know that Depression can be a chemical inbalance, and nothing I am saying is to dismiss that. However, so depression isn't, because if it was solely a chemical imbalance then therapy wouldn't work, right? I mean, talking can't change the chemicals in your brain, so there has to be something more too. So I was wondering, where does all the pain come from when it isn't a chemical imbalance? I mean, I have been feeling so dark and lonely and just in pain for so long I don't have any idea what triggered it, if anything did, but even if it was tiggered by a particular event, it wouldn't be enough to make me feel that way for years!? (as I have.) Does that make any sense? And I mean this for everyone too. Where does all the darkness of depression that we all feel come from? I mean, depression effects people who have great lives, so why do the feel so horrible? I am not doubting them at all, afterall my life is alright, but I feel like **** inside all the time anyway and I can't make it go away and I don't understand why I feel that way so much, or why anyway does?
My sister was arguing that it was a depressive pattern, that starts consciously by the person, thinking negatively and kind of making themselves feel bad and see all the bad instead of the good, but I don't think that it right all the way because her arguement is also saying that people sort of make themselves depressed and I don't agree with that. I mean, I was such an extroverted happy person, why would I have wanted to change that on purpose? I was all anti suicide and saving my friends from that, and then within less than I year I had made my first attempt to kill myself. Why would anyone have wanted that? It just doesn't make any sense. I guess I was thinking that if we could find out what was causin these feelings, it would go a long way toward getting rid of them. SO I wanted to open up this for disscussion and see what everyone else had to say on the matter, if you had any ideas?
"I cannot change the past, but my future is my chance to prove I can change."
"Sometimes our deepest wounds, are the ones we inflict on ourselves."
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”
I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad and that no one seems to be taking you seriously, that must be really horrible for you. Perhaps you haven't found the right person yet, you deserve to have your feelings acknowledged and be taken seriously. Have you ever considered talking to a doctor to see what they think? That's the only way that you can be really sure that you have 'depression' although doctors can be wrong.
Of course you want to get better, and you deserve to feel better. Do you know what might help you to do that? There are many different things that you could do, again, your doctor might be able to let you know of the options that are available to you. If you find that you have negative thought patterns then CBT might be helpful, or maybe you just need to boost your social life, you could try some voluntary work.
I really don't agree with the chemical imbalance thing. In fact, it's not actually been proven that depression is cause by a chemical imbalance. Yes, people who are depressed seem to lack certain chemicals in their brain, but no one knows for sure if that is the cause or the effect of depression. Also, it is thought to be linked to levels of serotonin (a 'happy' chemical) but again, no one really knows the true effect of serotonin. If it was due to a chemical imbalance then surely everyone would benefit from antidepressants, but they don't. Even the word 'antidepressant' is flawed because they don't even prevent depression.
You're right, if this was the case talking therapy shouldn't work, but occassionally it does. Talking therapy allows you to focus on the social and emotional aspects of how your feeling whereas medication bypasses that. Social and emotional aspects are usually really important in causing you to feel the way that you do, although you often don't realise it. I understand what you mean about how a triggering event surely can't make you feel this way for years, but I think that it can if you don't deal with it and work through it.
You say that you can't remember anything happening which might have caused you to feel this way, maybe things were gradually building up on you and that meant that there was no 'turning point' as such. Maybe depression affects those people who seem to have good lives because there is something missing from their life such as love and friendship? Do you think that there is anything missing in your life?
If something in the past triggered this and maybe caused you to think negatively, then it's understandable that you might continue to think negatively as if it has become a sort of habit. It can be difficult to break out of cycles once they start. Do you notice your thoughts at all? Would you say that you interpret things negatively?
Were your friends suicidal? You know, that might have contributed to how you are feeling. That must have been so tough for you to be looking out for them and worrying about them. I wouldn't say that people make themselves depressed, but I think it is true that if something happens to make you feel really bad then you might interpret almost everything in a negative way. It's not as if you would be doing it on purpose.
I hope that you work out what might help you to come through this and reach some positivity again. Thank you for posting this, I think it would be really interesting to hear people's views on this. I recommend that you read this book if you have time: Beyond Prozac: Healing Mental Distress by Terry Lynch.
Please take care and get in touch any time. xxx
I put it down on paper and then the ghost does not ache so much.
Don't try to calm the storm, calm yourself, the storm will pass.
Hey.
My Psych said thatthere are 2 types of problems.. ones caused by chemical imbalances (such as bipolar, as we were on abuot it) and that therapy isnt gonna solve the problem. There are also ones which therapy can help, as replacing negative thoughts with positive ones can change how you feel and behave, which aren't "chemically induced". Also, i notice you post in the ED forum, and EDs can result in depression as you maybe malnorished, and negative thoughs can occur from not being happy with weight etc. I may be wrong though ..
take care x
Hey Ana's:
I totally understand what you mean about not knowing where depression comes from. I often have the same questions/doubts. PM or IM me on Yahoo if ya ever need to talk.
We're all in the same game;
Just different levels.
Dealing with the same hell;
Just different demons.
Hi there,
I have been dealing with depression for years and never knew it. It wasn't until I was 45 it was properly diagnosed. I did all kinds of things to make up for my depression from ED's to SI and the suicidal thoughts brought out a bunch of other diagnosis'. As someone else here suggested there is probably something else related to the cause of the depression. I do know of the pain that comes with depression. My wife was from the old school to just get over it. (I had an abusive past) It has caused a lot of difficulty for us as I am sure your family not believing in your feelings cause you. Try to see a dr. as well as a therapist. I am on meds which help and my therapist helps me with my ptsd and DID. I think the combination has helped me tremendously.
Feel free to PM me ok
Tim
Hey.
My Psych said thatthere are 2 types of problems.. ones caused by chemical imbalances (such as bipolar, as we were on abuot it) and that therapy isnt gonna solve the problem. There are also ones which therapy can help, as replacing negative thoughts with positive ones can change how you feel and behave, which aren't "chemically induced". Also, i notice you post in the ED forum, and EDs can result in depression as you maybe malnorished, and negative thoughs can occur from not being happy with weight etc. I may be wrong though ..
take care x
Replying to this comment, rather than the OP...
I've had an ED and depression for a long time. My depression isn't/wasn't related to negative body image or to being unhappy with my weight, however, i noticed after a very long time that if i'd accidentally gone a few days without eating, i was much more prone to depression.
Tim, wow, not diagnosed until you were 45? S***! Man, times must have been so rough for you sometimes, trying to understand things, yeah?
