* going to keep updated for med/appt*

Merc · 14-10-2009, 12:09 AM

reasding stuff form 2 ish year ago
how many ppol supportde helped
and i forgpot most of it
didnt reply
i ned to get pasy this but id ont see how
how ido i apologizer for so much?
so tjhank yo u ofr so much that was gioven? canty even do it by bei8ng wel
cos im not
again
for taking so much and not gving much bacl?
till i ned help that is..themn i m here
i alwasys thouhgt io swas beter than ytat a caring poerson, there f0r ppl..now its hard to kep 'friends;
so easy ot juist stopo you know?
i waznt outr of this and i never get htere
alsways fal back
now oh
headsd a amess

(I'm going to just keep updating in here rather than new threads i think)

Merc · 14-10-2009, 12:12 AM

wanst to run again
be so esy
ghabe the trick
the money
just go
bit icant
fick
heasd asll over
thoughts i thougth wer wrong, awas 'illness' they said but it NOT!!!!!!

Merc · 14-10-2009, 12:15 AM

i aslays soay i talk tiohim]
and i do
but i jst say
feeling bad
nmot ok
cant tell; what is reaalty
is niot right im told
but what if ti is
dotn want him scared of me of my heda of wht i think
he woukdnt hjudbge never that
is supportive, lovea me so mucbut how can ti not scter him?
have help maybe on the 21...esdiont know what yet
apt atr hosp.
scraed
but gonna try agaion
it hasd to happen sdometime right?

Sleepless123 · 14-10-2009, 12:32 AM

Romp i am worried about you.*Big hugs* if wanted - [understand if not].Are you safe?Is your husband there?Can you talk to him?Tell him more?If not write it down?Show him this?

i wasnt here on RYL two years ago but im sure theres no need to apologise.People here know that its hard to reply and also to accept help at times.If we all found it easy we probably wouldnt of ended up on RYL!

And i do know from what i read alone that you are genuinely a very very valued member here.

And no-one can support all the time.

And maybe you need our support right now more?And maybe we are more than happy to give it.

xx xx

Merc · 14-10-2009, 12:36 AM

ty
he at work but i caled and he i talking day off thhur to get me bac to doc
out of med
maybe is alo
priolluy
just
thank yuo
am a mess isguesd
gona sleep son til he goerts howm
jst hatre falliogn apart agin
thaks

Rain Keeper · 14-10-2009, 01:28 AM

no appologies accepted...welll mabye.

we all get to that point where WE cant see the future...

But I see you there... with me... on your street we finally will meet.

God I wish I could help you! Hold You! Anything!

FRainy

CaiteeBug · 14-10-2009, 01:42 AM

No need to apologise Romp! that's why we're here! we want to help you get through this difficult time.

MammaMia · 14-10-2009, 01:45 AM

There's no need to apologise honey as the others have said.
I really hope you're okay as can be
xxx

Rain Keeper · 16-10-2009, 07:03 PM

Just wanted to let you know you havent been forgotten.

*sits and waits*

FRainy

Merc · 17-10-2009, 10:50 PM

Just wanted to thank you all for replies and hugs. I ended up IP on Wednesday night; hubby had to take me. Wasn't so great...ended up being restrained and jabbed because i didnt want the ridiculously high dose of seroquel he was insisting on (and diazepam)... said i would take some, but not that much...he didn't like it, so thats that.
Then found out my 'cold' is actually pneumonia so was sent to a reg. hospital ward and just got out this afternoon. They wanted me to stay till monday, but i agreed to bed rest, antibiotics, iron for the anemia which still is a problem.
So, thanks for being there, yet again.
love

18-10-2009, 02:10 AM

*hugs* i'm sure you have no reason to apologize. sorry you had to go IP. hope you're feeling better.

Sigma · 18-10-2009, 05:04 PM

*hugs*

Merc · 20-10-2009, 08:21 AM

Thank you both.
I started the new med early (meant to start thurs., but i did check with doc and he is fine with it). I'm trying not to be *too* hopeful...but I am.
I want to be 'well'.
Today was actually a good day; not sure if its because i 'felt' good, or I just didn't feel quite so 'bad'..hope someone understand that.
Either way, I'll take it!
Did laundry, some baking, made a full roast dinner with appys...am amazed lol.
Still tired cos of being sick, but glad to be home.
I have my appt on wednesday...with OP services at my hospital. On the initial call, she mentioned 1-1 therapy or group. Not sure if she has made a mistake or if they do now have something in place.
Or group.
I really don't know what I want/what would be best, tbh.
I keep finding good points for each, yet nothing definitive enough to make a final decision...so I guess I will just have to wait and find out more.
Also, hoping to be brave and go to the Xray clinic for my shoulder. It has gotten very bad very quickly.
I'm a little nervous because I really don't know what they might do. I hope not surgery. But I'm sure they will avoid that if possible

Today just felt really good...my head felt very clear for the first time in a long time. I didn't realize how 'cloudy' I was becoming, I guess because it was gradual? But now I see it.
I hope thru the new books I am reading I will better learn my 'relapse points/signals' so I can avoid what just happened.
Scarily, there suddenly seems to be some light...

Again , thanks, your neverending support means a great deal to me!
love
romp

Merc · 21-10-2009, 12:09 AM

Funny how another good day is tinged with mild apprehension. Worried of getting too high and the subsequent crash.
But maybe there won't be one?
I am 2 days on the new med and I know it is waaaay too early to be feeling any effects of it, so perhaps it is being off the other? I think so.
Been busy most of the day..i can't believe how mauch I have managed to get done in just 2 days. It feels really good.
Now if the damned fever,cough and tiredness would go away, I'd be so much better. But at least the 'heaviness' in my chest is easing.
Hope no one minds, but I want to update here periodically to keep track of this new med, etc.
Thanks again for the support and hugs, they mean a great deal!
love
romp

ThinkingofRecovery · 21-10-2009, 12:15 AM

Sorry Romp, I haven't got much to say but want you to know that I have been following your threads and thinking of you hun.
*hugs*

Merc · 21-10-2009, 12:17 AM

Thanks Carrie. I have bveen doing about the same but not replying. I know you have been been a really rough time lately.
Pls feel free to PM if you like ok??
How did your appt go, about your stomach?

Merc · 21-10-2009, 12:32 AM

am getting rather nervous about appt tomorrow.
I'm going to sit quiet later and write out any questions etc so I dont forget anything.
Scared too cos our daughter's annual appt at Children's Hospital is next week. It's always scary waiting for the test results to come back. So far, we have always been lucky. She is doing well on her replacement treatment and all seems fine...be glad when it's over.

Merc · 21-10-2009, 03:13 AM

I cant quite figure this out...I dont care as its good, but..i still wonder why
why im feeling so much better???
Is it being off the ct=ymbalta? Did it slow me down that much??
The upcoming appt and chance for some help??
Just feeling good, or is the depression lifting a bit??
I dont know. I want to know so i can keep it going.
Got 6 loads of laundry done, a little more baking, all three beds changed, etc
Its not a 'manic' type high either, not feeling ive drank 107 cups of coffee..jsu, energy all the sudden, desire to do something.
hopefully, re-reading this will pick me back up if i start to slide. just had to share

Merc · 21-10-2009, 04:00 PM

Oh man, appt in 1 1/2 hours. nervous. Excited. Nervous, lol.
And just figures, it decides to rain today...last ttwo days have been sunny and nice. Grrr. Last thing I need is to be out in the rain, the doc would kill me if he knew.
Sooo..gonna splurge and take a cab there. I'll have to bus home tho...ick.
Oh well...all for a good cause right??
Will update when i get back.

~Grace~ · 21-10-2009, 04:09 PM

Hope it goes well Romp
Will be thinking of you xx