Triggering (SI) - What do I do now? (long)

[starting_over]

I dont really know that many people here as i dont get to post much so sorry if I am intruding. I had 28 months of no cutting and I lost it Monday night. I have been having a rough time lately and I guess it just all culminated in a very bad episode. I went absolutely crazy with the cutting Monday night. I have cuts everywhere and most could have used stitches. I just dont know where to go from here. I had made it so long with out cutting and then the crap hit the fan. I just dont know how to pick up the pieces and start again. My councelor knows about it and I had to show them to her. she wanted me to go get stitches but I knew it was too late and here we dont have walk-in clinics and such that will just suture you and let you go. they call the police and commit you to a psych ward. Part of my problem has been that I am afraid to sleep. I have been having nightmares that are so real I cant get over them. I also had a dream that my councelor was leaving me. I didnt know it was dream and became quite mean with her. Poor soul had no idea why I was angry. anyway that is straightened up with her but I feel so guilty. I am in quite a bit of pain and since I am in uni I am having to cover up quite a bit. I dont know what temp you all have but it is 90 here and i am sweating my butt off. Sorry this was long I guess what i am asking is for some advice on getting back on track, forgiving myself for this, and maybe some support. i am feeling so upset over this.

[SoDark]

I totally understand what you are saying. I too just recently relapsed after a long time. Just start over. You have proved that you can do it. Have confidence in yourself.

[~hunni~]

I know it's so much easier said than done, but you just have to take the positives from this - the fact that you were SI free for 28 months. That's a lot of progress and a lot of moving forwards and I realise it must be extremely frustrating for you right now, but just because you have SIed, it doesn't mean that all your progress becomes void. You've still done really well, and you just have to keep moving in the right direction. You know you can do it now, and it is difficult to pick yourself back up, but you can keep going with this and continue your recovery.

I think the most important thing right now is to try not to be too hard on yourself: recognise how far you've come and use it to help you believe that you can keep going and next time get even further. I can understand why you might feel guilty about the situation with your therapist, but I'm sure she understands where your feelings came from and now that you've explained it you can put it behind you. If sleeping is a problem, could you get a prescription for something that might help you sleep?
Take care
xxx