So I just realized something...

finallylivinglifex · 01-10-2009, 11:43 PM

The second I feel bad about myself or feel ugly or feel really down on myself my first thought is, don't worry I'll just not eat then and everything will be ok.

I don't act upon these urges because I know they're wrong, it's just weird lol, I never noticed I do that.

Siouxsie · 02-10-2009, 02:21 PM

It's good that you've recognised that you think those thoughts/urges and know they're wrong, because restricting won't magically make things better or do your health any favours (I know I'm being a hypocrite here).
Well done for not acting upon them. =)
x

finallylivinglifex · 02-10-2009, 08:59 PM

Thanks :) it's hard and it's gotten better and stuff, but I don't know. I guess I felt like not eating was something I was good at O.o

EyelinerAndCigarettes · 03-10-2009, 02:29 PM

I think thats quite a common feeling with people who have eating disorders, at least I get that feeling too. Do you think you could try replacing the 'I'm only good at not eating' with something positive? Like 'I'm really good at painting' etc.
As Zara said, its really good you reconizge your habits, because its the first step to changing things.

x x x

finallylivinglifex · 03-10-2009, 04:52 PM

yeah. I mean I'm trying to find stuff I'm good at. I just want to be the best at something. but everything I try, I always find someone who's better at it. I know, that's life. it just it's anoying. lol.

EyelinerAndCigarettes · 03-10-2009, 05:07 PM

Aw, don't worry I'm like that =/
Do you think you could one day know its okay not to be perfect?

finallylivinglifex · 03-10-2009, 08:28 PM

Haha well I know it's ok not to be perfect, I'm far from perfect. I just feel like if I'm normal, like everyone else. then that's it. I'm average you know? I don't know. I just feel so average.

I.Heart.And · 03-10-2009, 09:34 PM

You're competitive, that's not a bad thing

I'm sure you will find something that you can become better than everyone else at. As for the thinking of stopping eating when you feel bad about yourself, I think people often think that losing weight improves them overall as a person and it's like a coping strategy, 'if I'm thinner I'll be better etc' but it's not true.
I'm glad that you don't act on these urges anymore - that shows a lot of strength.

finallylivinglifex · 03-10-2009, 11:03 PM

Thanks lol, it's just I don't know. When I was fully gripped by my ed, that became my prime focus and all my energy towards everything else became redirected. I lost my passion for everything I loved in life and solely focused on food and avoiding it. Now that I can't do that any longer it's like well, now what? lol.

I.Heart.And · 03-10-2009, 11:06 PM

Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's hard to readjust after food and weight being everything to you for a long time. It's a good time to renew your interest for the things you used to do before the ED and develop new hobbies and stuff. It'll give you a chance to live properly again when you're not governed by food and weight anymore. You may feel a bit lost without the ED for a while but you will get used to the variety again.
You will find your passions again.

finallylivinglifex · 04-10-2009, 01:21 AM

thanks =)

IntrovertedKindaSoul · 04-10-2009, 11:02 AM

I have slowly realised this too. I think its a big step forward :)

I still do it though if im honest although i think being aware of it helps ontrol it better and know that its just nt going to solve anything in the end.
Well done anyway! x x