Triggering (Suicide/Sexual Abuse) - Meeting being set up to tell parents about SA

lozstar88 · 27-09-2009, 03:24 AM

oh ****

I'm sorry for posting, as it has been a long while since I have had the guts to post anything on the abuse thread. But I am really hoping for someone to tell me if this is a good idea or not..

My psych wants to do it, thinks it will help my parents to understand my SI/ED/SUI attempts...but I'm so scared that it will just make everything worse

I was sexually abuse by a "family friend" when I was 8 and it went on for years...my parents never found out, nor do they know that I was raped when I was 17...I am now 21.

Has anyone ever been in a situation "similar" to this...or had to break the news to their parents/loved ones...I know realistically that no situation is the same or that my parents will react the same as others...I just would like to know that others survived this and if they are stronger for it

I don't know if I have the strengh

(he has been charged with SA his daughter...who was a baby when it happened to me, which I hold a lot of guilt over...so the next step my psych wants to do it report it....eeeepppppp!)

XxxoooxxX

Revival · 27-09-2009, 04:22 AM

Hi sweetheart, I haven't been in a position where I've had to have a meeting with my parents, but I was also raped at 17, and eventually my mum found out.
She was supportive and was glad that I told her so that she could understand and try to support me better.
I think that it's a good idea to tell your parents, I know that it must be terrifying for you but you can do this.
Please take care of yourself
xxxx

lovelybones · 27-09-2009, 06:27 AM

yes, i have been in that situation. it is very hard at first, but they probably need to know to understand you better. are you afraid of their reaction? perhaps if you are afraid of verbalising it, write it out so if speaking is an issue you can just hand them what you have written.

and i survived, at first it was mortifying but you can tell them that you aren't really comfortable talking about it in great detail, that's what i did. i told them 3yrs+ after it happened when i was younger & i still havent told them everything. i usually tell my therapist.

lozstar88 · 27-09-2009, 06:35 AM

thanks for your reply Ally *hugs* I am sorry you have been through such a horrible situation as well, your beautiful and always give me strengh.

Oh lovelybones, thank-you too, that's what I was hoping to do...say that I didn't want to talk about any details, just basically say that it happened and deal with the rest with my therapist...and yes I am terrified of their reaction the most...and them not believing me as part of it. Mortifying is the perfect word I would also use to describe what it would be like at first. Can I ask you a question?

Did your parents push for details or leave it alone?

thanks again girls xxx

Revival · 27-09-2009, 08:08 AM

thanks sweetheart *hugs back*

My mum didnt really push too hard for details, she wanted to know who where and when but other than that she didnt really push. I've only spoken to my psych about it a few times and only once I think with my mum.

Mandimoo · 27-09-2009, 08:22 AM

is it an option to just take your mum to the meeting, with your psych support you could tell her and then with your mum's support tell your dad at home?

my parents still do not know. it will hurt them that you've not told, but that pain is less than not telling them for even longer, the longer you don't tell the more hurt they will feel.

how are you with hugs? you're likely to get bombarded in the next couple weeks!

get your psych to explain how talking about it affects you and that might help awkward questions.

Amaryllis · 27-09-2009, 08:28 AM

I think it'd be a good idea to tell your mom if you think that she'll be properly supportive.

I think it can help a lot to tell. But I'd go through with the psych and practice telling and what sorts of reactions your mother might have - that way it's not all unknown and all that jazz.

lovelybones · 29-09-2009, 09:18 PM

they sometimes asked me things, but not really detail-oriented. for the most part they left it at what i/the counselor told them & set me up with a therapist. good luck dear xx

CrazyAboutMonkeys · 30-09-2009, 02:56 PM

I think it is a good idea to tell your mom about this whole situations.

I have talked to my mom about my SA from my cousin and she asked me who, where, how & so other questions to ask me. She never pushed me for it but she also wanted me to leave it alone until I gets healed. I think you're pretty brave for telling her about your problems and I know it's not that easy for telling everybody but just be careful cause, they are affecting by it..

Good luck with everything!