I'm so confused.........Please help

dragonfly · 23-09-2009, 04:14 PM

This may seem like really pathetic to some people but it's driving me mad.
I can't think straight when i'm awake because of it.

When i was younger i had this massive crush on my sister's boyfriend's brother, I was 12 and he was 15 at the time bbut we all lost contact when his brother and my sister broke up. The crush never went away, just faded a little due to never seeing him.
Just over a year ago he started working at the same site that my place of work was, even though they are 2 different companines. My company was moving the day that i finally got up the bottle to go talk to him.

Well between now and then i have found him on facebook and we have started talking again. We get on really well still and now that the age gap doesn't seem so much now that i'm 22 and he's 25 we just seem so much more comfortable around each other.
The other daywhile texting him he admitted that the only reason he would come over back then was because he had a soft spot for me and that he always has. After meeting up yesterday i text him out of curiosity and asked if the soft spot is still there now that he had spoken to me properly after 10 years and his answer was that he'd rather not comment.

I am very happily married but i just keep thinking what if. I feel so bad for even thinking it as i would never do anything to hurt my brad, he is my life and i'd be so lost without him.

I really like theidea of this guy still having a soft spot for me, i know it'sso wrong but the thought of my first crush still liking me makes me feel really safe with him.
I'm even getting the feelings i would have back then like if he gets the day off work tomorrow then we're gonna hangout at his and inside i feel really buzzed about finally being in his house or like seeing his bedroom. Stupid stuff like that.

I wan to know what it feels like to kiss him and to have him hold me and protect me from harm.

This feeling is driving me crazy to the point where i'm soclose to telling him all of this and then refusing to ever see him again but i knowi'd regret it so much.

I just don't know what to do anymore

Merc · 24-09-2009, 08:29 PM

I'm sure you know this has the potential to blow up in your face, so to speak, if you act on any of this.
I can understand liking the idea that he still has feelings for you, but is it worth destroying your marriage?
It would seem (i could be waaayyy off, sorry if i am) that 'something' is missing or lacking in your current relationship so you are looking outside to find what you want/need.
Is it possible to try and figure out what it is you are looking for? Perhaps a good talk with your hubby, not mentioning this new person, but explaining what you feel is lacking/or would like, might be a really good idea?
Sometimes a marriage can become 'stuck in a rut' and the excitement/attraction you once felt seems to disappear in bills, chores, jobs, etc.
Sometimes a simple thing like 'date nights' or candlelight dinners can bring you closer together and remind you how much you love each other all over again.
Do you have anyone you can talk to about it? Someone who is totally neutral to the situation? Might be a good idea; could help you figure out what you would like to change in the relationship.
I can just see it ending in total disaster if you go ahead with meeting up with this old friend....the potential to destroy your marriage, your hubby's trust, etc.
Would it be worth it to lose what you have?
Sorry if any of that sounded harsh, wasnt meant that way...but it is likely the reality if you go ahead with meeting up with him.

dragonfly · 24-09-2009, 08:44 PM

Trust me there is nothing wrong with any part of my marriage, I couldn't ask for anything better.

I know that nothing would ever happen, i've been with my husband 5 years now and he's been with his girlfriend 3 years, neither of us would ever betray what we have, we are good people.

It's just a little thing in the back of my mind just wishing i could have experienced all of this stuff with him.
We both know that that ship has pasted and will never have the allclear to come back from either of us.

I keep thinking it might be worth talking to the other guy about it, i don't think it would change anything wiith us as we both know the feeling that were there, i think he probably knows that mine are still there a little bit but he also knows how dedicated i am to my husband.

I think i could go to saying i love him just not in the strong way that i would have done if things had been different.

Merc · 24-09-2009, 08:49 PM

Sorry, i misunderstood.
What would you like for a outcome if you do talk to him? Or have you been able to figure that out yet?
Would it make you feel better to have it out in the open between you two?
Sorry, not sure what else to say...

dragonfly · 24-09-2009, 09:01 PM

I don't know what i even want from it. I think i would get something from it if it turned out he had the same feeling i still did even though we both know nothing would happen.

There is just something about him that makes me feel really safe.

He knows some of the messed up crap i grew up with, he's knows a little of what my mum was like and anything he doesn't know i feel so comfortable telling him. I feel like i have known him that long that he is part of who i am

Merc · 24-09-2009, 09:26 PM

would it be possible to put any feelings but friendship aside? It sounds like he is a good friend, has been there, etc.
If it could stay 'platonic' then no harm in having a friend who cares for you/who you can talk to easily.
How would your hubby feel about it? Does he know how you felt/feel about him? Would it cause problems between you two if you were have a friendship with this person?
It just can sometimes become easy to let feelings lead you somewhere you dont want to go.
I dont mean that against you...as in your the type just waiting to jump in the sack with him...