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Triggering (Suicide) - losing it all
I recently lost the person I love. He, changed his mind. Over a matter of two days apparently. After I gave myself up to him completely. It's been shit. I spent about 3 or 4 days crying non-stop. I'm using my ipod at the moment to stay sane through school and home. I'm just on the verge of losing it all.
Then, the one thing keeping my alive, my horse, my life, my baby got taken from me too. Apparently my mom decided to stop leasing and the agreement was that I would get to ride him anyways, while paying for lessons. Today I show up, and I'm told not to ride him and I didnt know my mom decided to stop leasing. So I ask my instructor if Stilton (my horse) is okay, and she says oh you're not leasing him anymore. I spend the rest of the lesson trying not to break into tears.
Then, to top it all off, my dad confronts me in the car. Asks me if I'm planning to kill myself. Says my moms freaked out about it. And I have to lie straight to his face. Even though, this week has been where my most substantial plans ever have come along.
I donno, I think I'll just asked to be admitted somewhere. It'd kill my mom, my family, if I went through with those plans. But I can't guarentee I'll be safe. I can't guarentee that I wont lose it.
ugh...
sorry this is so long. just need help...a hug...anything. I've lost it all in the past week and I'm breaking. So broken.
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