Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - not sure how much more i can take (SI/SA/SU triggers)

airfobrat · 20-09-2009, 03:56 PM

Hi - i'm new in here...I'm Janessa, i'm 22, and i'm a single working student mom.

I was raped 2 years ago by my best friend's brother, and it has literally been haunting me lately...i can't get away from it.

I cut...i have since I was 14. But I stopped from the ages of 19-22...until recently when my rape really started to bother me, and the stress load i carried went up. Now, i picked it back up, and hide it like i am embarassed.

To top things off, while i would never do it, the idea of just ending it all, letting my parents raise my son, and starting over has really been on my mind. I cut my wrists because I can't stop thinking of it...i am so numb constantly....it is starting to scare me.

but i am 22..i am too old to still be going through all of this...cutting is for teenagers..but why do i still do it?????
(no offense intended to those who are younger than 20)

~Grace~ · 20-09-2009, 04:51 PM

Just wanted to say hi and to let you know that youre not on your own.
Im a mum and I self harm. You'll find a few of us in this corner of vets who are older self harmers.

Have you had any counselling for the rape?
xxxx

Sigma · 20-09-2009, 07:05 PM

yep, way older than teens! welcome.

^like Grace asked, did you have any counselling? or your family doctor may also be helpful?

airfobrat · 21-09-2009, 03:46 AM

not for the rape, no. i haven't seen a counselor in a while.

i know i should

airwolf282 · 21-09-2009, 08:57 AM

Hi and welcome to ryl. Despite the stereotypes there are many of us that are way past being a teenager. I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time lately. Please seek some help. Counselling is a good place to start, not just for the rape but for SI in general.....Since I started going I've almost made it to 3 months without harming. You may not realise it but you son would be much better off if you were around so there's all the more reason to get help. As others have said, going to your doctor would be a good start too. You will find a lot of people here that will understand the sort of things you have been through and it's nice and friendly here.

Take care,

Nathan

Ds. · 21-09-2009, 01:55 PM

Hey
Sorry to hear what your going through, just wanted to let you know ur not alone. Im 27 and i still cut somtimes
Im sure you will find support here and if you are considering counselling i would recomend it. Sounds like you have had a very tramatic experience and it may help.
Take care

XxHellzxX · 30-09-2009, 04:50 PM

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through.
But you aren't alone.
I'm 22,I've been cutting since I was 11 and I'm going through the same thing as you.
A rape that happened to me years ago is haunting me.

I know I can't take my own advice but I would really advise you to go and see a councillor or even just go to your GP first to get some help.
Take care of yourself.
x