Graphic / Triggering - Freakin out!! Need to hurt myself NOW!!! *SI*

My_Name_Is_Aiden · 16-09-2009, 09:24 PM

FUKK!! I M JUST LIKE., I FEEL LIKE I CANT BREATHE OR SOMETHIGN!! AND I NEED TO CUT NOW!!!!! BUT I THREW ALL MY RAZORS AWAY and all my kinives!!!c all i have is fukkin safety pins and they arent helping SHHIT!! i smashed my hand into the wall but it didnt help just hurts and i am THIS CLOSE t5o goin down the road to tesco and buying some rwzor blades!! i dont know what to do, i dont have anyione and everyone in my life just goes away anyway or has even worse fukkin problems then me!! i dont know what to do, I JUST NEED TO BLEED!!!!!!!

PassedExpectations · 16-09-2009, 10:58 PM

You can imitate blood with food coloring, red marker/pen, or ketchup(do that one in the tub, sometimes it goes awry, least when I tried)
You can get some pain by squeezing ice cubes, or snapping with a rubber band.

*hugs* sorry I'm not more helpful

My_Name_Is_Aiden · 16-09-2009, 11:06 PM

no you ARE helpful.
im not feeling so crazy now. a little better i guess.
I did some stuff with a sharp thing... stupid i know but im ALRight.
feel calmer now.
thanks for answering to me, sometimes thats all i need.

She's_Lost · 16-09-2009, 11:14 PM

Hi aiden,
We all have bad nights huni, and I'm glad you're feeling calmer now.
Throw the sharp thing away if you can and maybe hug a pillow or listen to some relaxing music to help you calm down.
people here do care about you.
all the best
x

My_Name_Is_Aiden · 16-09-2009, 11:24 PM

thanks for the advice..
it's nice just to have someone talk to me tonight, even if it is online.
that sounds lame i know but it feels true...
anyway I Think i might try and get some sleep now.
cheers

roiben · 17-09-2009, 01:56 PM

*cuddles* glad to hear you managed to calm a little.

firstly, well done for getting rid of your sharps. Can you get rid of that one you used as well?

I know it is incredibly hard and sometimes the urges are very strong, but you have done amazingly well in recognising that and asking for help and distractions.

For me, going for a jog or run, or hitting a punch bag help. The endorphins and the use of energy tend to help with any pent up tension or anger. After that, just hugging a pillow with music while my brain switches off. I also always make a point of letting at least one person know that I am triggered or feeling like si, as then it is real and harder to fall into, and the person is aware so they can help distract me.

*cuddles* do you have a support team who you can let know what happened? Is it worth going to a dr and ask if something can be put in place, like seeing a counsellor or something?

Be gentle with yourself.

Roiben x

ella1 · 17-09-2009, 05:16 PM

glad your feeling better now! well done on getting through it xxx

My_Name_Is_Aiden · 17-09-2009, 09:25 PM

i sort of have support.
i have a psych but i dunno when he wants to see me agaen, and i have a docotr but to be honestt this crap happens to me so often that i cant go to her every single time.
i just feel so badd sometimes that i cut anbd scratch deep and pucnh walls til i bleed becos nothing else seems to help me! its so STUPID!! and i KNOW THAT But i cant stop. so many years now and i still cant stop!
I get so unhappy lookin at my scars and i want to stop more than anbything in the world but i cant cry! and if i cant cry or shout or screamm then i cant let my sadness or anger out.
and it builds up INSIDE CME and SI feels like ths only thing that gets it out..
it shoudlnt and its just makes me more scarred and more sad in the end but it helps for a few seconds... andthis is killing me and i hate it.!
ryl helps tho, its rele does ,so thanks for listening to this stupid boy tonite