i think there are two of me, like two different people inside me, one is a little more assertive whilst the other totally disconnected, in a daze and somewhere else, theres a part of me so insecure an so paranoid, it takes control, then the 'real' me will come back and i will wonder what the hell i had done to myself, and why the hell ive acted so ridiculasly.
I dont understand how or why i am like it, but i know that im getting more scared by the day of turning into this paraniod mess, because i know that when i am in that state nobody can stop me, I am out of control, and my parents can no longer handle it... its like im tripping, but im not.
Last time i got so bad i gave myself concussion, aswell as cutting deeper than ever before. I got so aggressive it scared me and I scrached my face to peices, although i dont remeber why? An I dont know what triggered it...
Now im just worried, and even though im ok, i still feel very dissasociated.
nobody here can give you an exact diagnosis... thats a doctors job... and you really should go see a doctor or pysch soon. Then they can figure out what is going on in your brain and get it settled down again. It must be really scary and confusing for you though, and it may feel like you can't do that, but you really can.
*hugs, and good luck*
PM me if you want
this is my magical medicine cabinet. Left to right they contain: courage, hope, calmness, and strength.
The magical part: They NEVER run out, so borrow some any time you want.
Hmm, I hate doctors, last time they threatened to section me so i ended up lying to them and discharging myself, last night was horrible, i swore that there was something in our house, i thought i was going to get shot or stabbed, I slept by the front door, and when my dad saw me i was bleeding from my arm, and i dont remeber how it happened... its like a nightmare...
As much as you may dislike the Drs, it sounds like you dislike what is going on more.
I would suggest making an appointment with your treatment team and letting them know what is going on, as it sounds like it may be escalating - It is better to get these things looked at sooner rather than later so they can help stop any escalations.
There may be other options than sectioning, as that is generally used as a last resort, so ask them honestly what your options are.
They can not help you if you do not tell them.
Roiben x
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
*hugs* i really think you should see a dr. i know it's hard, there are a lot of things i don't like about doctors too. but there is therapy and medication for paranoia. things CAN get better. i feel like that too, like there's different states I go into. And I know that feeling of paranoia. It's so hard to talk yourself out of. That's why you need professional help. Feel free to pm if you need to talk.
