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need some care :(
I dont even know what to write really. Ive just about given up, I cant keep going trying to make it work its clearly not going to. Cant be bothered to go into that again but suffice it to say I need a job NOW or like 3 weeks ago to get the money in time for awesome thing without which I cant see how to cope or go on.
My uncle died today, I dont really know him havent seen him for years but he's my dads twin so obviously everyone is crying etc everythings on edge and im trying to help them.
But I was seriously thinking about committing suicide today, even dreamt about it. I dont know, I decided i'll go back to cambodia before doing that, and eke out my money and try and make it work but then I think it'll amount to the same thing in the end. (cos then thered be long term probs like no permanent good friends, real hard fitting bck in here, missing nurse training thus not getting a settled home etc)
Im so confused, Ive not really got anyone I can talk too, nobody understands, im away from my friends (stuck living with parents atm as lost job also to save money quicker) and most of them had gone a bit weird anyway so I was pretty lonely anyway.
Sorry this is a bit rambly I cant really think straight
Im trapped now, totally trapped.
I cant kill myself cos my prents couldnt take it now
I cant leave to cambodia cos like i said itd probly amount to the same thing
And I feel so selfish for feeling like this in the current circumstances, so trapped, so alone
sorry for being useless
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