Worried about g'parents :(

Outcast Angel · 14-09-2009, 10:52 PM

My grandad has Alzheimers and my grandma is a full time carer for him. Two years ago she had a complete breakdown and I ended up looking after them both for a month. She then didn't drink for nearly two years but has started again and is on verge of breakdown again. We're trying to find an emergency respite placement for my grandad so my grandma can have a break - but we feel so guilty for doing it to him cos he won't have a clue whats going on and might think we're abandoning him. Worried how my grandma is going to cope, whether we can prevent it getting out of control this time. My mum is stressed dealing with it all so trying to support her - she's going to be the one that takes my grandad to respite and she can't bear the thought of him hating her for it. Just worried and upset and don't know who to talk to. Not that there is anything to say, we're just dealing with it as best we can I suppose.

:( x

88shelz · 14-09-2009, 11:17 PM

im sorry to hear this
at present my grandma has senile dimensia (sp)
my grandad seems to be having memory problems also.
they are refusing to let anyone in to the house and dont even remember my dad and uncles

it breaks my heart. i dont know what to do either...
i guess all the advice i can give you is to be there for them as much as you can be

my grandparents wont let me in but i stilll go round and give them some shopping etc so that i know they are being fed

Outcast Angel · 14-09-2009, 11:34 PM

Thanks for the reply. I know we're doing all we can its just so hard, as you know, when someone you've looked up to and love so much doesn't even recognise who you are. And then you go and put them in a home, even if its only short term it still sucks. I just want my grandad back :( And I don't want to see my grandma spiral out of control again :(
I guess I'm feeling guilty as I haven't seen as much of them as I used to. For entirely selfish reasons too - I just find it hard seeing how much he deteriorates from week to week.
I'm going to make a concerted effort to see them more, I don't want to regret not seeing them enough when its too late.
You're strong to keep on even when they refuse to see you - I admire that :)

Hugs

C x

88shelz · 14-09-2009, 11:38 PM

as hard as it is ....remembering that they are your grandparents and mean alot to you even if they dont know how much they mean to you wil help
give as much time to them as you can...selfish reasons for not seeing people are in us all.... it dont mean yu care any less

my selfish reasons were;;;; there is alwyas next week....once week not seeing them wont hurt etc etc

just do your best....even if it isnt alot xxx

realflifefaerie · 15-09-2009, 05:08 PM

Hi,
I could have written this post, my grandfather has Alzheimer's and my grandmother cared for him, despite being an alcoholic. I know it's really difficult to find places that will take them for respite, have you tried looking for day centre's as at least then your grandmother could have some time to herself during the day.

It's not selfish not wanting to see him, I no longer visit him because he isn't himself anymore and I get distressed which in turn distresses him. Although you worry about upsetting him he'll realise that it's in his own best interest and you're only acting to protect them both.

Feel free to PM

xxx

Outcast Angel · 15-09-2009, 11:53 PM

Hey thanks for replies :)

We got him into a care home for emergency respite today - he got really upset at leaving but did actually seem to grasp that it was cos my grandma needed a rest cos she was "tired" as we put it. He just kept on asking me if "his lady was really ok" :( made me want to cry, he was so coherant for him, asking if we were going to look after her
and then he got all teary when they said goodbye, and panicked that the house would be gone and he wasn't coming back, horrible :(
but i know its for the best if it means my grandma can get back on track. and then i think we're looking at him maybe going in two days a week so she has a regular break.
broke my heart today :(
xxx

zivalover16 · 16-09-2009, 06:46 AM

aww... I'm sorry that happened. It's hard to see someone we love like that. I have a grandpa who has Alzheimer and doesn't know which son is which and didn't know our names (grandchildren) my grandma has dementia and has a hard time remembering to give my grandpa his medicine let alone her own but they refuse to go into a nursing home. It was hard to visit them because as my older brother said they're there but it's not them... if that makes any sense. I know it's not quite the same as you. I hope your grandma is able to get the rest she need now. As you said though it's hard to see them and it's understandable...

Outcast Angel · 16-09-2009, 09:38 PM

Had the worst day at work today as was just worrying bout them all day. Missed my lift and fell down a hill too so that was a great start to the day. Plus our admin assistant had a go at me for something that I hadn't done wrong and was nothing to do with her!
Apparently my grandad is ok, mum spoken to nurse at the home. He's incredibly disorientated which is understandable but not overly distressed. Though at one point he did ask a nurse if my grandma had died :(
Thanks for support :)
x