Triggering (SI/Suicide) - almost jumped *need help*

[Cacoethes]

sory to maje another thread,
im just so upset
im crying my eyes out
i wnat it to end
i was doing the horse s and found a random tool in the barn
so i cut
my mum thinsk im angry with her
ium not
they all hate me
need to end it
i want to stop crying
i catn stiop criyng
i cant evvn type properly im so upset
im such a disapppointment
please help me
i want to die
but my family dont
i love them so much
but i want it to end
please please help me

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

Whats made you so upset darling?
We want you to live.

x x x

[lungs locked lips locked]

*hugs*
I know you may not want to go on right now but there are so many people who do want you to, and I'm sure if you think about it you could find so many reasons to stay alive, just rmemeber any happy moments and hold on to them tightly.

Crying is better than cutting, cry it out and, curl up with a hot choclate and a happy movie, anything that will bring you up even a little.

I hope this helps, please take care xxx

[Emo]

:hhuhug: sorry that things are hard right now
here if you need to talk

[Cacoethes]

thnks evryonw

spokem to the criss team for about 30 mins
wasnt mcuh help
im still in tears
im home alone
dont knw what to do
need to end it

[88shelz]

could you maybe sit with your horse for a while and reminf yourself of the things in your life that you dont want to leave behind.
call the crisis team back hun if you feel you stil need support xxx

[Cacoethes]

ive stopped freaking out so much
still feel incredibly unsafe
my eip worker called and i told her i was fine
when even i know im not
im being discharged from the crisis team on friday
back to eip
i started college today
it was fine
but its hard to cope with right now
just so low

[sherlock holmes]

Can you try to tell your eip worker how you're feeling? Telling her you're fine isnt going to help you.

I'm glad college was okay. It'll get easier to cope with over time.

[Cacoethes]

ill try to tell her
i do trust her
i think its like a natural reaction to say im fine
ive been doing it for years
i dont see any point in going on really

[mesmerized.]

It's good that you're going to try to tell her; people can only help if you let them know what's going on. I know it's hard to start being honest after hiding it for so long, but it is worth it. Maybe write something down, if that would be easier?
Is there anything you could do just now that would help you feel better, or take your mind off things?
Take care of yourself, I'm here if you need to talk or anything xx

[Cacoethes]

thanks

not feeling any better today
i heard about another suicide and its triggered me even more
i now take the train to college everyday
and its so so tempting just to jump in front of one of them
which makes me upset thinking about my family

*hugs* ending it isn't a good idea. suicide is never the answer. i know it's hard, but you really do have a lot to live for even if you don't see it. and like you said, your family cares about you a lot.

definitely tell your eip worker what's going on. she's there to help you. can you do things you really enjoy to help relieve the stress? do you have any hobbies or anything?

[Cacoethes]

i almost jumped today
there is a bridge that connects the train station to the town centre
i went to the middle and was crying my eyes out, i was standing on the bottom railing.
people were staring and some old lady asked if i was ok
i said i was fine and i ran
i was discharged from the crisis team today
they think im much better
i havnt been taking my morning medication
and i dont intend to
so fucked up

why don't you want to take your morning meds? maybe you need them? i really think you should tell your team how you're feeling. you really deserve to get better and they can help you.

[Cacoethes]

i cant remember why i stopped taking them
but i dont want to take them anymore
my eip worker said if i do decide to stop taking them altogether then we might have to talk about hospital :s

i cant tell them what happened today
i just cant