I love RYL, I really do, to so many of us it is a safe haven from what life has thrown us in the outside world. However, lately something that has bugged me for several years is really starting to upset me even more. This is abusing the Ranting and Venting Forum.
From a personal take:
This is something I have had problems with in the past, some people used to make comments about me without naming me on the R&V forum... this was about my weight and eventually lead to me developing full blown bulimia. When I finally got enough proof to go to the mods they were fantastic and sorted it out. Maybe I'm sensitive to this because I know what it's like. You try to ignore it, but in a way you want to know what they're saying. You hate yourself, and that plunges to new depths everytime you read another comment.
But lately, I'm seeing so many people write about other people on R&V forum I don't think I could report to the mods because there's just so many, the mods wouldn't be able to ever get off the computer.
This is why I'm appealing to your RYL'ers. You know what it's like to be made to feel like an outcast, you know what it's like to be put down, and now more and more RYL'ers are learning what it's like to be bullied online, because this is what some of these crusades against members, old and new, which are potentially damaging.
I think this is a very important post to be written/read in fact Abigail - and I wholeheartedly agree.
All I can really say to the members as a whole is that if you do see this happening pleasedo report it - if we can/can't do anything about it we will let you know, but it's always going to be better to try, rather than let the individual themselves read some of the horrible things that are sometimes written in individual's rant threads. But naturally it would been one HELL of a lot easier if people just stopped breaking these rules in the first place - it's quite honestly not the mods job to sort out/act as a median in member's petty arguements.
Just because rant threads are there for you to express your feelings as you wish does NOT mean that the rules of the forums as a whole can be overlooked - primarily the rule that is spoken about in Abigail's post about flaming. And I really hope that people do read this thread and take note of it. x
"Be nice. Think happy thoughts. Champion silver linings. Love all things (not just cute things like babies and kittens) & when you do love - love like they do in power ballads (you know like on a cliff with the wind in your hair and your eyes shut, knowing you'll never know love like this). Watch out for dog poo. Smile at people - even grumpy ones. Remember anything is possible & whatever you do always try to look on the bright side."
I agree.
It is disgraceful when people bully others, especially when it is in a place where they are supposed to feel safe.
In turn, that could then cause the person who is being bullied to then do the same thing back because of how upset they are, and being the R&V forum, this is typically where they'd rant about it.
This then causes more distress.
It's upsetting and I hope something can be done about it for the future if/when it happens.
I agree.
It is disgraceful when people bully others, especially when it is in a place where they are supposed to feel safe.
In turn, that could then cause the person who is being bullied to then do the same thing back because of how upset they are, and being the R&V forum, this is typically where they'd rant about it.
This then causes more distress.
It's upsetting and I hope something can be done about it for the future if/when it happens.
I agree aswell, Sarah, its horrible when people bully you online.
Last edited by Snow White. : 14-09-2009 at 09:27 AM.
Reason: Removed smiliey which implied mean sarcasm - the opposite point of this thread.
I've had it happen to me before and I felt absolutely awful about it, anxious and shaky and sick. It then sets off a lot of paranoia that anything certain people say in a rant thread is directed at you, even when most probably it isn't.
Particularly when people say "yeah I can see you reading this thread" or similar, which unfortunately is something I've read far too often on here and just generally makes everyone feel paranoid. If you must rant about certain members doing it on pen and paper then ripping it up once it's out your system is probably kinder for all involved. As is discussing problems you have with a particular member, with discussion and negotiation, you never know you might become friends again, or understand each other that little bit more.
Sometimes discussing it is not able to be done, which is unfortunet, but that's how it is sometimes... I do agree though with the pen&paper etc, and I do agree with everything else you've said.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heidi Tiger
Good post Abigail!
I've had it happen to me before and I felt absolutely awful about it, anxious and shaky and sick. It then sets off a lot of paranoia that anything certain people say in a rant thread is directed at you, even when most probably it isn't.
Particularly when people say "yeah I can see you reading this thread" or similar, which unfortunately is something I've read far too often on here and just generally makes everyone feel paranoid. If you must rant about certain members doing it on pen and paper then ripping it up once it's out your system is probably kinder for all involved. As is discussing problems you have with a particular member, with discussion and negotiation, you never know you might become friends again, or understand each other that little bit more.
I agree. I've read alot of R&V posts lately where one person is slating another person, and in turn, the person being slated is then slating the person slating them; which just makes them seem as bad as the person who was originally slating them in the first place.
I understand things annoy people, but don't post it in a post that the person you are slating can read, and where they know it will be them. We are all going to have a problem with other people from time to time, and people are going to have a problem with us from time to time; rise above it and don't lower yourself to their level. By doing what they do, you are only putting yourself on the same level as them, and I'm afraid in my eyes, when you do that you don't have a leg to stand on, and you lose all of my sympathy.
If someone is making you feel small and horrid in a R&V thread, don't go and do the same as they are doing. It's pathetic.
Anyway...... My other little bit to add to this isssss...... If you want to rant and get down on paper, or type what you think about someone, set yourself a Work Doc up on your computer and do it that way.
I don't want an R&V Thread at the moment because the things I am thinking and feeling are too personal, they aren't about anyone nastily, it's just what's going on is things I don't want to be spread across the internet for all to see; so I have it private.
I would suggest that is what others do when they want to belittle and abuse people on the internet. Rather than just trying to get a rise out of them; it is attention seeking in reality. I hate it.
So, a word document, or a private journal entry, that could be another way to go.....
But, slating and belitting people in R&V threads needs to be made completely unacceptable and if anyone does I believe they should have their thread deleted/altered and also have points. It's bullying in reality.....
-“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” Anais Nin-
Allie, Mutt, Great Grandma, Hope and Humbug. I love you and miss you all. xx
I will admit that I was slating someone because they were slating me, hence why I said what I said in my first post here, which is wrong because I'm stooping to their level.
In future, I'm now going to ignore the slating and let it out elsewhere.
In my R&V threads, I do tend to slate people, but it's very very rarely people from here, only recently has it been as I said, due to me feeling upset/attacked and letting it out on my own thread, but it's more so my family or people who don't even go on here, which obviously many of us do anyway.
Oh, btw, I think this thread was an awesome idea Abigail, and I'm glad you created it. x
Thanks so much everyone for your support and your ideas for the situation, you all rock. I really hope we can work towards a shift in slating on R&V. :)
Thank you.
Edit: Wanted to add I'm really pleased and impressed that some of you who have slated people in R&V have spoken up and are tryng to change it, really appreciate that, good luck. :)
